Junior's Diary
by Roeskva
Summary: Excerpts from the diary of ('Junior') Anhur, Future Lord of the Galaxy. The adventures of Junior and his team, seen from Junior's POV. Humour/crackfic. Posted as Christmas calendar with 24 fairly short chapters.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Junior's Diary  
>Rating: PG-13<br>Summary: Excerpts from the diary of ('Junior') Anhur, Future Lord of the Galaxy.  
>Characters: Junior<br>Category: humour, crackfic  
>Prompt: "Junior". Any episode seen from his POV. What does he think of Jack O'Neill's nickname for him?<br>Warning: Junior has a somewhat inflated opinion of his own worth and abilities - and a more than warped view on the events around him and his own part in them  
>Notes: Meant as Christmas calendar, and so there are 24 (short) chapters.<br>Notes 2: Written from Junior's POV, in diary form. Depending on the situation, the tense may sometimes be past and sometimes present. There will also be the odd parentheses and rarely an *emotion*/*action*.

* * *

><p>1.<p>

**1st cycle, 300th day, Anhur era. (Oct 10 1997)**

Because of the importance of my me and my life, and the uniqueness of my experiences, I have decided to document them. I believe now would be a good time to start, so that everyone in the Galaxy can get a chance to learn a little more about me.

After being born, I spent most of my time in a tank at the holy sepulchre, being fed food that was frankly not up to my standards.

Then came the 300th day. There I was - swimming around peacefully and trying to avoid getting nipped in the fins by that upstart Anat (I doubt our Lord Apophis fathered her - she reminds me of my genetic memories of Ba'al!) - and then this... this sacrilegious _hassak_ just plunged a hand down into our sacred home and grabbed me! None to gently either! She had pretty hair, though, but before I can forgive her - magnanimous as I am - she stuffed me into a small metal container! And it smelled bad in here too! At least she remembered to give me some water - if she had tried to suffocate me I would have killed her with my awesome powers!

After shaking my new home around for some time (I will get her for that!) I was again pulled out into the dry world. No more gently this time than before - I believe I may report them for child abuse! They then stuck me in a Jaffa pouch. I had not expected this to happen for many months, but I am strong, so of course I could do it!

Maybe these people are not so bad - they _do_ seem to recognize my greatness, even if they do not show it well. Perhaps I shall not kill them. Yet, anyway.

* * *

><p><strong>1st cycle, 314th day, Anhur era. (Oct 24 1997)<strong>

That bitch Hathor tried to take over my Jaffa's home base. I debated with myself whether I should pretend to cooperate - she _is_ after all a hot Goa'uld queen and I will need one of those for my empire - but she is also a treasonous snake who would have backstabbed even _Ra_ if she thought she could get away with it.

If Ra had not been killed by the sacrilegious bunch who is still begging me to be allowed to serve me!

She even tried to bewitch me and my Jaffa with her admittedly obvious charms, but with my help my hapless Jaffa withstood her attempts!

She schemed admirably, I must say, but strangely she made no attempt to enlist my assistance. After observing her for some time, I came to the conclusion that she could not be trusted, and in the end I decided to allow my Jaffa and his human servants to handle the matter.

I can do better than Hathor when the time comes! _Much_ better!

* * *

><p><strong>2nd cycle, 1st day, Anhur era. (Dec 15 1997) <strong>

Happy birthday to me! I am now one year old!

And no one brought me gifts, or even thought to say something nice!

*Pouts.*

Not even my Jaffa gave me a single kind word! Sometimes I do not understand why I even _bother_ helping any of them.

Ungrateful hassaks, all of them!

I have decided to take the day off, and relax. For a whole day I will _not_ do anything about either the light cold that my Jaffa has picked up, _or_ the indigestion he has acquired from eating _way_ too much. As he usually do.

He is right now prolonging his kel'no'reem, thinking it will help. Hah! That is not happening, my Jaffa friend! You shall have to suffer until tomorrow, when I will _graciously_ cure your ills.

Then, perhaps, you will learn to better appreciate me!

* * *

><p><strong>2nd cycle, 40th day, Anhur era. (Jan 23 1998) <strong>

Today I - _again_ - had to heal my Jaffa. He was just as dim-witted as he usually is and agreed to be punished by some local nobodies with a grudge against their rightful god. My Jaffa made this choice with _complete_ disregard for my life!

I can only assume the evil man hates me, despite my tireless work to keep him in optimal condition, or he is too stupid to realise what would happen to me if he were to die.

If the locals had gone through with their desire to punish my Jaffa, I would have had to take one of them as a host. Do they not understand how taxing that would be for a little child such as myself?

Of course, because of my awesome powers I would have been able to do it. There is no question of that. But it would have been... _bothersome_.

Thankfully, they realized the error of their ways, and I returned in triumph with my Jaffa and my other minions.

* * *

><p><strong>2nd cycle, 47th day, Anhur era. (Jan 30 1998) <strong>

Since my Jaffa and my other underlings _foolishly_ ignored my advice - _again_ - we ended up on Tollana. That is the homeworld of the accursed Tollan, of course. As everyone knows, they are a horrible example of humans which have been allowed to advance _far_ too much. If _I_ were in charge, something would be done about that! It will be, of course, when I rule the Galaxy. Then they will suffer and learn they place!

As if this _affront_ was not enough, my underlings decided to go to Tollana just as the planet was experiencing violent volcanic eruptions! Presumably the universe wanted to punish the Tollan for their lack of respect for their gods. That is understandably, of course. Fate catching up with them. Hah!

Unfortunately, the fact that it happened right now, and that we were there, meant that my underlings were endangering the life of _me_, their god! I can only assume they are all either evil or stupid, most probably both. But that is not news, regrettably.

Quite reasonably I considered killing them all. The question was, how to make them suffer enough for this outrage? Was there even a way to punish them enough for something so atrocious?

Of course, as usual, my legendary mercy won, and I decided yet again to allow them to live. I must be the most kind and understanding god in the whole universe.

One other thing; the underling designated as 'Samantha Carter' spent some time being infatuated with one of the Tollan. It was quite disgusting to observe.

There was one positive part of the whole Tollan mess. To my surprise, the underling designated as 'O'Neill', who is often offensive and hard to tolerate, was quick to see the faults with the Tollan.

Regrettably, he - like the other Tau'ri at my base - did _not_ agree to let their leaders take the Tollan for experimentation and torture. _Most_ regrettable. Do they not understand how valuable it would be to me and my future empire if I had more knowledge of Tollan technology?

Insensitive _hassaks_!

Then, as a final insult for the day, 'O'Neill' lost all the goodwill he had gotten from me and used his 'nickname' for me. _Junior_. Does he not understand how offensive that is?

Hassak!


	2. Chapter 2

2.

**2nd cycle, 54th day, Anhur era. (Feb 6 1998) **

My team had gone to a planet that was heavily defended. It was one of Cronus's planets! Clearly they did not know this. _How_ did they not know this? By Apophis, it is common knowledge!

It is really hard to foresee their ignorance, so they cannot expect me to warn them when they do not tell me their plans! They also cannot just assume I listen to all their debriefings - ninety-nine percent of them are more boring than watching Jaffa go through the same drill for the twentieth time!

So, I made my Jaffa move quickly and we easily escaped. The geeky underling known as 'Daniel' got away too, which must have been pure luck, but the two others did not. I have no idea why they were so slow - they were just behind us.

Perhaps they have a death wish? It may be time to look for other, more worthy servants!

'Daniel' decided 'Carter' and 'O'Neill' had probably been thrown out of the wormhole somewhere else, due to a malfunction of the chaapa'ai when it was hit by the weapons fire. That is an unusually intelligent deduction seeing as it comes from him.

What I do _not_ understand is why they wanted to waste time and resources searching for 'Carter' and 'O'Neill'? I mean, if they have survived they might make their way back on their own, and if not then someone else just as capable (or incapable as is usually the case for the Tau'ri) could be assigned to SG-1. It is not as if humans are indispensable!

The people at my base _did_ insist on searching, though, and time dragged on with that pointless exercise. It soon became clear that the Tau'ri did not even know about the chaapa'ai on Antarctica. On their own planet! I thought that was common knowledge, but apparently there is no lower limit to their ignorance and stupidity!

In order not to humiliate the fools completely (I _can_ be kind, you know) I gave my geeky underling a small hint, and fortunately he realized what I meant - more or less. At least he caught on to the idea that there could be another chaapa'ai, and eventually the Tau'ri found it and we could rescue my other two team mates.

But did they thank me? No, of _course_ not. It was just like always. Ungrateful bastards, all of them!

* * *

><p><strong>2nd cycle, 80th day, Anhur era. (Mar 4 1998) <strong>

My Jaffa is regrettably becoming too accustomed to the Tau'ri way of life. He still does his kel'no'reem, of course, but I suspect that is only out of self-preservation and not because he is giving any thought to how hard it is for _me_ to keep him in good condition!

The _food_ - and I am using the word loosely - on this base is disgusting. Even getting it second-hand as I am. I still have to smell it! And it is bad, I tell you!

Then there are times such as these, when my Jaffa indulges in something called 'team-night'. I permit it _only_ because it gives me a chance to study the Tau'ri more closely. That will certainly come in handy when I have conquered their world.

The Tau'ri are very fond of watching something called 'television', or 'TV' as they call it for short.

They love abbreviating words, presumably because their intelligence is not high enough to permit them to pronounce full words, if they are longer than one or two syllables.

Television. It is a strange thing. The Tau'ri love it. The more outrageous the 'show', the better.

Well, I will readily admit there are some programs I do enjoy, particularly the ones with naked humans in them. It gives me a good opportunity to decide what kind of host I want. And what kind of slaves, of course.

I believe my Jaffa share my interest in these type of programs, at least if I am to judge the reaction they have on certain of his body parts... Why do I not have a host? This is one of the times I truly look forward to it.

There are many humans on the Tau'ri that I believe would make good slaves, but they need to learn to behave themselves first. The humans on this world are _sadly_ lacking in that area.

Deep sigh.

That reminds me of my underling, 'O'Neill'. He is more insolent than most, and then there is also this 'nickname' he uses for me. 'Junior', he calls me. I believe it is meant affectionately, but it makes me _furious_!

Even deeper sigh.

Well, my Jaffa has a favourite 'movie'. It is called 'Star Wars'. He has already watched it several times, just _this_ year.

No, it is _not_ that good. Not even close. Of course, there _are_ some valuable teachings in it, but mostly things that even infant Goa'uld would know. Jaffa, of course, do not have the benefits of genetic memory, so they probably find it more interesting and educational.

But I got away from my original point, which is that during team-night my Jaffa indulge himself in something called 'pizza'. It is unhealthy, and it smells quite nasty as well.

At least he does not drink beer, like the Tau'ri often does. That I would _not_ permit!

Another thing he likes is 'doughnuts'. I tell you, _way_ too much sugar. If he did not have me, he would no doubt have killed himself _long _ago, eating this kind of food!

I do not understand why he is not more appreciative of me. It amazes me daily how he can be so ignorant of the source of his strength and good health. He should thank me. Me and my awesome powers!

* * *

><p><strong>2nd cycle, 100th day, Anhur era. (Mar 24 1998) <strong>

The geeky underling designated as 'Daniel' found one of the quantum mirrors and stumbled into it after activating it. Clumsy as always.

Apparently, the universe he ended up in was one where the world of the Tau'ri was being conquered by Apophis. 'Daniel' did not like this, even though he should have been grateful and jumped at the chance of becoming the subject of a Goa'uld such as my illustrious father.

Of course, I can only assume it is because 'Daniel', like all my underlings, only wish to be ruled by me. While that is not surprising, I am flattered, of course.

In any case, my Jaffa and my other most faithful followers (or so they should be), decided that their world would probably also be attacked by Apophis in _this_ universe, and so they disobeyed direct orders and escaped through the chaapa'ai.

We came to a ship owned by Lord Apophis, just as expected. I considered contacting him, or maybe his good-for-nothing son, Klorel, but I decided to wait and see how well their Jaffa performed.

I must say those Jaffa were disappointing! Not only did they take a long time capturing the intruders (us), but they did _not_ recognize my greatness! They used a _stun grenade_ against me, then threw me in a holding cell!

That is it! I am _not_ giving those Jaffa any information! It is obvious that Apophis has a problem since he is employing such incompetent Jaffa! And Klorel? Why, exactly, did my father chose _him_ as his heir, and not me?

Klorel is _not_ a worthy heir! He can barely control his host, and he wanted to kill _me_ in order to punish my Jaffa. _Me_! I am _horrified_! What is wrong with these people?

As if these things were not enough, it turns out Klorel was being betrayed by the Jaffa designated as 'Bra'tac'. Yes, my Jaffa, '_Teal'c's_' master. Klorel is _completely _incompetent in _every _way!

How can Apophis not see this?

Another question - why did he not discover Bra'tac's treachery? How, when it is so obvious? Is he just being magnanimous to the point of stupidity? Or is it, perhaps, a _ploy_ in order to re-capture Teal'c? I _do _know that my Jaffa is considered a great prize, most likely due to the honour he enjoys from being allowed to carry me.

There were many difficult choices for me there, but in the end the only one that matters is me. I am going to be the ruler of the whole Galaxy, so I cannot risk jeopardizing that by warning Apophis, as regrettable as that is.

With that decision made, me and my underlings blew up Apophis's ships. I have no doubt that one day I will probably have to fight him in any case, in order to make it clear to him that I am his master, so I can just as well make my superiority known now. It will be easier in the long run.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Incognito: I am not sure. I have written most of the 24 chapters, and I don't think I will cover anything from season 4 and forward - I already have fairly much material up until mid/end of season 3. I had considered maybe adding something about Junior's queen mother seeing Teal'c's father being killed, to what I write about the episode Fair Play (where they meet Cronus). I may end up doing that.

* * *

><p>3.<p>

**2nd cycle, 137th day, Anhur era. (Apr 20 1998)**

Me and my team was given some time off after a 'hard' mission (it is amazing how the humans on this world _always_ need time off when they have had to do the slightest amount of extra work).

Since my Jaffa cannot safely go home to his family, due to his despicable betrayal of his god, he had to remain on the base. The Tau'ri does not trust him enough to let him visit other parts of their world more than briefly. I can understand their hesitation, given his known problems with loyalty, but I am more than a little offended that they do not trust me to keep an eye on him so he does not do something stupid!

All of this meant that _I_ had to remain on the base as well! Yet another example of how my Jaffa's ill-conceived decisions affect others than just himself!

It turned out 'Carter' and 'Daniel' remained on the base as well, no doubt wishing to share my misery. It is commendable. 'O'Neill', on the other hand, insisted he would not stay on the base when he did not have to, and claimed 'Daniel' and 'Carter' were wrong to do so. In fact, he accused them of 'having no life'. Whatever that means! They are _obviously_ alive, so I do not know what he meant. Perhaps he is starting to lose it!

* * *

><p><strong>2nd cycle, 211th day, Anhur era. (Jul 3 1998)<strong>

During a mission to an insignificant planet called Nasya, the blond-haired female of my team (designated as 'Carter', as you will remember) was honoured with becoming host to a god. No one else but I noticed, dim-witted as both humans and Jaffa usually are!

I saw no reason to inform anyone, of course. The god clearly had her own reasons to wish to remain hidden until her plan could be set in motion. I debated whether she would be worthy of my allegiance, but I soon decided that any god that needs to resort to subterfuge cannot truly be great enough to deserve my services, even for a short time. A true god, such as myself, would never need to hide their greatness.

My decision was as always correct. It soon became apparent that this god was in fact a _heretic _– one of the accursed _Tok'ra_, so it was no wonder she was being such a coward! She was the traitor Jolinar of Malkshur, the one that my illustrious father Apophis once battled with great success.

Still, for a period there was a Tok'ra on the base, walking around freely and unhindered because of the _incompetence_ of the humans and my Jaffa! It was _most_ worrisome! It was pure luck that she did not decide to harm me, out of their inexplicable hatred towards the Goa'uld.

How can they hate their own kind? I mean, I know they claim to have forsworn their birthright, but it _cannot_ truly be the case that they would want all the Goa'uld to live like them? Sharing the body with their hosts? *Shudder.* If that is even true. It sounds like a myth to me!

They do fight the Goa'uld System Lords, that is true, but my personal theory is that they are just envious of their skill and talent!

Regardless, the Tok'ra are strange and perverse, and cannot be trusted. Everyone knows that!

My Jaffa took me to her cell, in order to interrogate her. He did a very poor job of it, just as the humans did. I debated with myself whether I should take a host in order to handle the things these misfits are unable to, but it turned out not to be necessary. One of the System Lords had dispatched an ashrak who killed the heretic Jolinar. In my personal opinion it was much too easy a death for her, but no one ever asks me!

As another proof of the degeneracy of the Tok'ra, Jolinar then sacrificed herself to save her host! How low can you sink? Good riddance! If the System Lords do not soon remove this plague from the Galaxy, then I shall have to take care of it myself. We have gotten proof of at least some of the myths of the Tok'ra, and it is clear they are truly vermin!

* * *

><p><strong>2nd cycle, 232nd day, Anhur era. (July 24 1998)<strong>

Naquadah mines? _Really_? How low can you sink? Why would my Jaffa accept such slave work? Does he not understand that it is humiliating for a great god like me? It is not like the other 'Jaffa' there were even carrying symbiotes! Yes, that is so! They were _false_ Jaffa. Imposters!

Such humiliation I had to suffer on this mission!

My Jaffa did not realize those other 'Jaffa' were fake, and as usual he did not listen to me!

The female designated as 'Carter' realized though, I suppose even the remaining essence of a _Tok'ra_ will improve upon the abilities of a human. It would seem that same essence is too strong for her, and for a moment, it seemed, a ghost of Jolinar surfaced. It is no surprise, of course. The mind of any god, even a Tok'ra, would be so much stronger and more powerful than that of a human, that even their remaining essence would be overpowering.

The socially inept nerd - the one my other underlings call 'Daniel' - had gotten himself addicted to a sarcophagus. To be honest, it is no surprise the effect is too great for the simple minds of humans. We gods, on the other hand, can use its powers without problems.

Some treasonous humans had usurped the power from the god that had rightfully ruled that world, and that explained how everything had gone so wrong with that place, I suppose. They clearly had no respect for their gods, no respect for beings so much greater than them that they could not even fathom how fortunate they were to be ruled by them.

I considered removing these usurpers, but I was preoccupied, since, as usual, my Jaffa needed my fantastic healing powers. Of course, I provided these out of the goodness of my heart. When I had assisted him, I decided enough was enough. A god cannot be asked to work in the mines! So I then rescued us all, with minor assistance from the other members of SG-1.

After we returned to our base, 'Daniel' continued to suffer some aftereffects of the sarcophagus for a time, further proving humans are weak.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

**2nd cycle, 239th day, Anhur era. (July 31 1998)**

I am still shocked by the events of our most recent mission.

Cimmeria? My Jaffa took me to one of the Asgard protected planets? Is he in insane? Does he not know what the hammer devices do?

I would not care if he just got himself in trouble, that would be what he deserved for his many transgressions, but no, as things regrettably are at the moment, _I_ would be punished as well!

Fortunately, the device was destroyed, apparently by SG-1 at an earlier date. Sensible of them, but why did they not inform me? I mean, I may have taken a brief, and completely deserved nap during the pre-mission meeting, but they _could_ have taken the trouble informing me of something as important as this! But no, they let a little child suffer in fear of pain, torture, and death!

They are bad people!

It turned out the ha'taka Heru'ur had decided to take advantage of the opening created by my underlings. I blame them for the error of not informing me, so I could have taken control of the world when the opportunity presented itself! Instead, they allowed an enemy to go there first!

Of course, I was not going to let Heru'ur keep one of the Asgard protected planets!

The one designated as 'O'Neill' went with my Jaffa and one of the local fools to check out the progress on Heru'ur's building project. He had almost completed three landing platforms, so it was high time to do something to stop him from landing his ships and troops. If not, it would have been too much for my team and I would have had to use my awesome powers to stop him, and would you really demand that of a little child?

The human servant 'O'Neill' realized, fortunately, and attempted to come up with a plan that was worthy of me. I am, of course, flattered that his devotion to me, his god, is so great. I had not expected it, as he fancies himself the leader of our team. _Right_! A human leader? On a team that also has a Jaffa, and a god? Hah! _Fool_!

Of course, the mission then proceeded much like any other, and it did not take long before my Jaffa and his 'leader' walked right into danger. I do not understand how they can be so stupid! Every time! Do they really not understand they are endangering _me_, as well?

Since my underlings did not seem up to fighting off even this small force of Heru'ur's, I debated whether I should just handle the problem myself. However, I decided that it was too much bother, and that I could just as well let the Asgard know about Heru'ur's presence so _they_ could handle it. I mean, what good is an agreement if you cannot rely on the other party to take care of some things?

My two other underlings, the geeky ones, obeyed me well this time and contacted the Asgard as they were supposed to. I must remember to reward them when I receive my rightful place in a Galaxy-spanning empire.

I wonder if they would enjoy being my lo'tars? It would be a great honour for them. I consider naming both of them as lo'tar. Yes, I realize that is unusual, but someone as important, amazing, and fantastic as I am cannot be expected to make do with just _one_ lo'tar!

The Asgard at least reacted swiftly and appeared in one of their ships to take care of the menace that is Heru'ur. Unfortunately, he escaped, but I can always hunt him down some other time. It is no rush.

We then talked to the Asgard who insisted on repairing the Hammer device. After some deliberation, I agreed to let them do so. It will protect the planet for me until I have the time to rule it properly, and I was promised that I could go here unharmed from now on. That was a requirement, of course. They would even let my Jaffa accompany me, and I think that is a sweet thought.

So all in all the mission went well.

* * *

><p><strong>2nd cycle, 246th day, Anhur era. (Aug 7 1998) <strong>

Today we went to a world that seemed devoid of life. There was not even air, so I do not know why my team even insisted on going. I only permitted it in the hopes there would be advanced technology, since it might be useful for my future conquests.

They did not find anything interesting, but decided - against my advice of course - to bring back a strange orb they had taken an interest in.

It fairly quickly became painfully obvious to them they should have listened to me when the orb started to behave ominously. My Jaffa fortunately obeyed me for once, and carried the orb swiftly to the chaapa'ai in order to send it back.

Of course, 'O'Neill' - as you will remember, he is the servant who is suffering from the erroneous assumptions he is the leader of SG-1 - got punished by the orb. Presumably his transgressions had become known even on the otherwise dead planet it came from.

It impaled his shoulder and then started to infect him - and the base - with a dangerous organism.

We were now _all_ in danger, including _me_! Why do they insist on endangering their god?

Many of the others became sick, as the organism caused a fever in them. I was immune, of course, and I protected my Jaffa as well as I am always so selfless!

My Jaffa attempted humour to help the human O'Neill, but I cannot say he understood the concept well. Jaffa never do! They have the _worst_ sense of humour! I almost felt sorry for O'Neill, but then he insisted on using that _accursed _name for me. _Junior_! How insulting!

He can burn for all I know! Fortunately, he suffered some more before I allowed the problem to be solved.

Hah!


	5. Chapter 5

5.

**2nd cycle, 253rd day, Anhur era. (Aug 14 1998) **

My illustrious father, Apophis, had come up with a nice and ingenious plan to capture my Jaffa Teal'c. I believe he has this desire as much because he misses me and wants me to come home, as to punish the shol'vah.

Since I expected this would culminate in me returning home to my father in triumph, I agreed to the mission.

I had no doubt that I would be welcomed warmly, and probably be offered to take the place of that incompetent _upstart_ Klorel!

My Jaffa's master, the deceitful traitor Bra'tac, took us to my Jaffa's mate. It turns out she has betrayed him and chosen another, more powerful mate. Very sensible of her, particularly since Teal'c had just left her with little consideration and no warning - not even a word, actually - when he betrayed his god. Not surprising, of course. If you are able to betray even your god, I cannot imagine there is anyone you would _not_ betray.

Which means I had better be careful. I realize I am a better god than Apophis, but perhaps even _I_ cannot trust Teal'c! How careless of the Tau'ri, to include him on their frontline team, but that is no doubt because he has the honour of carrying _me_!

I must admit I spent much of this mission giggling. Teal'c was sulking the _whole _time, and that made me smile! He got his just punishment for betraying his god!

My underling, 'O'Neill', took it upon himself to kill Teal'c's 'friend' Fro'tac, when he went to report the criminals to Apophis. How dare he! The only reason I refrain from punishing him is that I suddenly realized Apophis had another plan. A most cunning plan.

Rya'c had been implanted with a tooth with an infectious disease, and his mind had been warped so that he would break the tooth upon arrival on the Tau'ri - thus killing everyone at Stargate Command and leaving it open to its rightful owner!

Impressive, because I am _convinced _Apophis did that so that _I_ could be the survivor and take control!

Unfortunately, Teal'c's unfaithful wife made up for her other failings by being observant and they discovered the danger before anything could be activated.

Doctor Fraiser - another good contender as host for my queen, just like my servant 'Carter' - used her skills and determined it was _extremely _virulent, and now I cannot help but wonder...

_Could _it have harmed me? And even if it did not, would it kill Teal'c even with my help? And would I then have had time to take a host before my Jaffa or the future host had died?

It is... _worrisome_. Could my father really have been so careless as to risk _my _life?

Worrisome indeed!

* * *

><p><strong>2nd cycle, 295th day, Anhur era. (Sep 25 1998) <strong>

I do not know how to even begin this entry! In addition, I am tired. _Tired_! I should not be forced to work so hard that I get tired! I am a god! Also, I am a little child!

Either way, there is no reason in this at all!

_Sigh_.

Well, I had better start from the beginning. My team - miscreants all - took me to explore a world, as the so often insist on doing. Normally this is quite harmless, and sometimes even useful.

Upon arriving they found this world was apparently empty of all life, with no obvious hint to what killed said life.

This should have been enough to tell them it was time to return. _Immediately_. Whatever kills off everything like that, and leaves the infrastructure standing, is obviously not something you want to meet.

Still, the fools went exploring! It was not long before the sole lifeforms of that world arrived - creepy giant flying insects. My teammates did not flee - what beings with an ounce of self-preservation would not flee from that? My Jaffa was particularly slow and oblivious, and one of the monstrosities stung him. It seemed to hurt, so that was something, I guess! Hah!

A large swarm of the disgusting insects appeared, and finally the slow idiots started running. They can move fairly fast when they want to!

We made it through the chaapa'ai, but I could already feel the poison working on my Jaffa. Worse, it was working on _me_! Even worse - _nothing _I did seemed to help and I could cure neither him _nor_ me!

The best I could do was keep the disease at bay for a while. It was made so as to change the code of life from whatever lifeform it was injected in, into those terrible flying monsters! Their way of reproducing, no doubt. A most _disgusting _way, I might add!

It should be illegal. They should _all_ be killed. In addition, if anyone has made them as a weapon - as was hinted by the humans of my team - then _that _should be deemed a warcrime and the guilty party should be tortured to death. At least ten thousand times!

But I have strayed from the events. While I was still fighting heroically for my life and that of my Jaffa, we were abducted by the gonach ha'taka from NID! They shall suffer a thousand deaths when I have my deserved place in the Galaxy!

Of course, the minions of the accursed Maybourne were no match for my Jaffa and I, even in our weakened states. After dispatching them we could escape. Teal'c then showed an unexpected intelligence and respect by removing me from his pouch so I would no longer have to fight the poison that was rewriting his code of life.

Unfortunately, his mind was too confused, and he did not think to place me in a tank of water or another place that could sustain me until I was rescued. It was pure luck my other team mates found me in time!

Doctor Fraiser then spent a long time fumbling with the environmental controls of my tank, not realizing even the most _basic _requirements I have! I am deeply disappointed! I would no doubt have died, had it not been for a late realization from Carter. No doubt the left-over remnants from the Tok'ra heretic helped her. Even a Tok'ra is more knowledgable than a human, of course.

Still, it was embarrassing!

They found a way to cure my Jaffa - or more correctly, a way to help _me_ cure him. They admitted it themselves - they could not do it without me! Yes, they admitted it! It is _so_ good to hear - those rare times when the insolent humans acknowledge the truth!

So, being my usual magnanimous self, I used my awesome powers and cured Teal'c, even if I would really have preferred to rest some more after the _deplorable _living conditions they had offered me.

I am _really_ much too good for them!


	6. Chapter 6

6.

**2nd cycle, 302nd day, Anhur era. (Oct 2 1998) **

After the recent ordeal, they let me rest for about a week. No more than that, but it is because they know it is enough for someone as awesome as me.

For some time the servant designated as 'Carter' have been doing her best to access the memories the Tok'ra Jolinar left in her. I still cannot decide if this is a good thing or not.

Of course, whatever she remembers can be very useful for me. The Tok'ra are without doubt the worst enemies of the Goa'uld. It has always puzzled me how anyone could be born a god, and have the opportunity for _everything_... be the top of the universe, and then turn it down and decide to _fight _those who are sensible enough to want to _keep_ these gifts! Not only that, but according to the rumours, the Tok'ra seems to enjoy sharing the body with their hosts. I wonder if they are defective in some way? Physically I mean, since it is obvious they are mentally ill. And perverse, of course.

So I have decided it might be advantageous if she can access those memories.

Regardless of this, I cannot help but feel it is blasphemous. For a mere human to learn the knowledge given to the gods... It is... troubling, to say the least.

Whatever my feelings are on this, the result of my underlings efforts were that she managed to remember the address of a Tok'ra base!

This is a huge find! All Goa'uld have been searching for Tok'ra bases, mostly without any success at all, and now _I_ have the opportunity to be the one to end this menace once and for all!

I must plan this well, and not move too quickly!

* * *

><p><strong>2nd cycle, 303rd day, Anhur era. (Oct 3 1998) <strong>

Today we left for the coordinates of the Tok'ra base. I was naturally very excited, as well as somewhat apprehensive. My team is not always the best at judging threats, nor did they listen to my suggestions to bring more forces! _Why _do I have to suffer these fools all the time?

We stepped out on the planet. It was a depressing sight. Barren wasteland. Desert. Why would anyone want to live there?

It really seemed deserted, and I pulled my head back inside, feeling convinced nothing would likely happen. I also felt more than a little disappointed, of course, as I had very much hoped to be the one to find and kill a large number of Tok'ra.

My team decided to check out "some dunes", and they had not walked far before I sensed the energy signature of _several _symbiotes. Before I could decide on a course of action, people jumped up all around us, surrounding us. It did not take long for them to focus on me and my Jaffa, of course, since the others of my team are mere humans.

They were _Tok'ra_! I believe I must be the first Goa'uld in a place with so many of these traitors!

My team quickly surrendered to them - as a ploy, I assumed - and we were taken down into the Tok'ra lair.

It was _so_ strange! I tell you, there were Tok'ra _everywhere_! It was... somewhat frightening, and if I had not been so fearless, I might have panicked. As it was, it was... _interesting_.

I took many notes, all of the time, peeking out as often as I dared. Being the first Goa'uld in such a place, I know well the interest there is in my reports.

The Tok'ra live in underground tunnels, just like the rumours said. They live _very _spartan lives, with little furniture and they wear quite worn clothing that resembles what peasants wear. I would appear obvious they are not doing well. I suppose this is understandable, as they have forsaken their birthright and refuse to take their places among the gods.

The Tok'ra must actually be even stranger than what we had thought, because they also have _no_ slaves! Who cooks for them? Cleans? Do they do that _themselves_? Freely? *Shudder.*

How can someone _live _like this? And when they have a _choice_? Are they insane? Defective? Masochists? _All _of it?

I do not know. For a moment I almost pitied them, but I know this is what they have chosen. Then this is how they shall live until I am ready to put them out of their misery!

In fact, as I thought it over, I realized this seems quite a fitting punishment, for someone who could have been a god. I mean, to live in such poverty, and have to endure such hard work.

I feel no need to report the location of their base to Apophis - in fact, I shall wait until I have my _own _army and then _I_ shall be the one who will be credited with removing this scourge from the Galaxy.

If I am in luck, I can destroy the Tau'ri and the Tok'ra in one fell swoop, because they seem to consider an alliance.

An alliance! How can the Tok'ra have fallen so far? Allying with humans! It is truly disgusting!

But I am getting ahead of myself here, because there was another disturbing thing which happened. For a brief time we were taken _prisoner_ of the Tok'ra! Prisoners! They dared capture _me_!

Only 'O'Neill' seemed to realize the _true _outrage of this and suggested that we fight them. It was so strange - even my Jaffa did not support me! He, he told _Garshaw_ that the Tok'ra cause was honourable and just. Garshaw! Of Belote! And she in return told _him_ that she admired him for breaking from Apophis and fighting him! She said it showed great strength of conviction!

Foolishness! Treason! _That_ is what it shows! These Tok'ra are _worse_ than anything you could ever have imagined!

And yes, I met Garshaw of Belote. The most hunted Goa'uld of all times. She is _not_ deserving of that honour. She suffers from the _exact_ same failings as all the other Tok'ra, and she has denounced her birthright as well.

What is wrong with people?

On a separate point, I must keep an eye on my underling Carter. She seems smitten by one of the Tok'ra, possibly due to the relationship he had with her former symbiote. He seems to share her interest. How disgusting - she is a mere human, but I suppose the Tok'ra are perverse in all ways.

Eventually, we returned safely to our own base - after Carter had given the Tok'ra her father to use as a host.

If she wanted this honour for him, why chose a Tok'ra and not a _sane _Goa'uld instead?

Humans are so strange! I do not know if I will _ever _be able to comprehend their erratic behaviour fully!


	7. Chapter 7

7.

**2nd cycle, 323rd day, Anhur era. (Oct 23 1998) **

The underling 'O'Neill' - the one who fancies himself the leader of our team - was shot today. No, not killed. It was non-fatal. He was shot with an arrow! How _embarrassing _to be incapacitated by such arcane technology! Well, embarrassing to be incapacitated by such a small wound as well! If he had been a Jaffa, or better, a host, he would not heal so slowly!

Why must I be burdened by mere humans on my team?

Another question is; why are they not focused on the important event that happened a couple weeks ago? When we met the _Tok'ra_? The Tau'ri should be making plans and decide what to do with this information! There is not a _single _System Lord who would not value knowledge of the Tok'ra above anything else!

Tau'ri are fools!

O'Neill suffers, at least, from the arrow wound. He deserves that for his regular derogatory remarks about the Goa'uld, and not in the least for calling me 'Junior'. It is a continuing embarrassment to me.

Regardless, the mission continued, just with the underling 'Carter' in 'command' instead. I do not know why these humans continue to think they are in command of anything? It should be _obvious _to anyone that _I_ am the team leader! As I am a god, how can it be different?

So, we went back to the planet with the primitive population - even more primitive than the Tau'ri, but I guess that is good. Humans should not be allowed to develop to the degree even the Tau'ri have done. They _cannot _be trusted with such technology, and it is a wonder they have not killed themselves off yet. To be honest, from some of the 'television programs' my Jaffa is watching, it would seem they are doing their best to do just that.

Perhaps they will be ready to accept me as their saviour in a few years. Then I will dazzle them with my awesome powers!

'Carter' wanted some Trinium from PXY-887 (by the way, why do they insist on using such names? They make sense _only _to machines, not to people!) and that is of course a worthy goal. Trinium is a strong, lightweight, durable metal, so I can certainly use that for my fleet.

I am not so sure the Tau'ri understand how to mine it _or_ how to process it, though, but I can solve that problem for them easily. I will wait for them to ask, though. They must learn their place and admit their inadequacies!

But that is for later. We had barely arrived on the planet before we were caught. Why does this happen _all_ the time? Why must I suffer these incompetent fools? I can understand they may get captured by the Goa'uld, but by such primitives as those on PXY-887?

By the way, _scratch _that name! I hereby name it Ha-Ba'a, since it will hold my first mine. So I have some Trinium. I need several gold mines as well, of course, and many naquadah mines.

A Goa'uld once owned this world, naturally, but he must have been incompetent, because some wimpy aliens calling themselves the Salish removed him from power. Granted, these aliens seem to have the ability to become invisible and to shapeshift - as well as to teleport themselves. No doubt all of this is accomplished through some sort of technology which we have not been made privy to. Perhaps it would be worth it to study these aliens more closely.

Of course, the Tau'ri managed to get a security breach - these Salish invaded their base and considered destroying them. While disaster was averted, I fear this incident may decrease the likelihood the Salish will trust us in the future. Regrettable, since I would like very much to get my hands on their technology before I exterminate them.

Foolish humans!

* * *

><p><strong>2nd cycle, 330th day, Anhur era. (Oct 30 1998) <strong>

Me and my team went on a mission to the planet Madrona, where the locals had a piece of technology that could control the weather. For some reason Teal'c felt the need to inform the Tau'ri that the Goa'uld does not possess such a device.

Not only is that not true! We _do_ have the technology to control the weather, maybe not with such a single small device, but we can do it! However, more importantly, _why_ would Teal'c slander the Goa'uld? The very gods who has given him life and continue to do so? _Me_!

It is unfathomable!

Then, upon learning of this device they thought so unique, they would not even take it with them! _Why_? Oh! Because a bunch of humans more primitive than the Tau'ri claim to 'need' it! Right! They could just wear some more clothing or move to another planet!

Lazy fools! But then that would describe most, if not all, humans!

Fortunately, there are actually a small group of humans on the world of the Tau'ri who has more sense. At least in this matter. They took the device - and then the locals blamed SG-1. _Hilarious_!

Unfortunately, that group is lead by Maybourne and his friends - people known to be _highly _untrustworthy and thinking only of themselves. They seem to have a certain amount of power, though.

Perhaps I should consider taking one of them as my host?

Question is, do I _want _to look like Maybourne? Well, better than Kinsey, I guess, but still - I shudder at the thought!

No, there is such a thing as too high a price! I do not need the NIDs power and I will take my rightful place in the Galaxy through different means.

My decision made, I helped my team recover the weather-controlling device. Not because I felt pity for the people of Madrona, but because I cannot allow an enemy to have such a thing.

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 1st day, Anhur era. (Dec 15 1998) <strong>

Happy birthday to me! I am now two years!

_Again_ my team had either forgotten my birthday, or chosen to ignore it! Do they not understand I have feelings? That this complete lack of even the _briefest _mention of my big day hurts my feelings? I am just a child! They should be reported - I know child abuse is illegal here, and what they put me through during the missions _certainly _qualifies. But do I complain? No, not _me_! I bear it, silently - and now _this_! _Complete _disregard for me!

I feel a constipation coming upon Teal'c! And perhaps a persistent itch somewhere it is hard to reach. Yes, I think that would be suitable as the mere _start_ of paying him back for his trampling of my feelings! He is my Jaffa! How can he not _care_!

*Sulks.*


	8. Chapter 8

8.

**3rd cycle, 10th day, Anhur era. (Dec 24 1998) **

The Tau'ri - at least those in the particular culture my human team members belong to - celebrate something they call 'Christmas'. Last year I slept through all their various cultural and religious ceremonies and rituals, because they are all an affront to me, their true god! The Tau'ri ought to worship the Goa'uld, not various other deities!

This time, however, I have decided I will study their rituals and celebrations. It might be useful to see what it is I am up against, but also to learn how to direct my propaganda in order to most quickly turn them to worshipping their true god, me.

Therefore, when my Jaffa went into the mess hall, and I surreptitiously peeked out at the surroundings while he stuffed himself. It is _obscene _how much food that Jaffa eats!

All around the room there were weird... _decorations_, I presume. Not that they decorate the room in any advantageous way! There were large, round red and golden orbs, which kind of resembled large long range communication devices, but I know the Tau'ri are too primitive for that. There were also small _hideous _figures with red hats on! In addition to that, there were garish and _outrageous _garlands with blinking coloured lights and huge golden ribbons!

Moreover, there were a lot of what looked like spruce or fir everywhere - there was even a large spruce tree in the corner! It was heavily 'decorated' - and I am using that term loosely - with more orbs, just smaller. These 'decorations were blue and silver, which did not improve much. Lengths of fluffy blue and silver garlands snaked around the poor tree, and to top it off there were blinking blue lights on almost every other uncovered part. At the top there was a star.

As if this affront to good taste was not enough, the room _reeked_ of cinnamon. Artificial cinnamon even. The _horror_! It makes me _sneeze_!

There were also music playing! Normally the mess hall has no other sounds than the scraping of chairs, talking humans, and the sounds of people shoveling food into their insatiable mouths.

The music was so-called 'Christmas music'. Unsurprisingly, it was as horrible as the decorations were ugly.

Why is it that the Tau'ri find this so alluring? I can only conclude they suffer from some sort of defect.

I believe I have learned enough about Christmas for now! Fortunately, my pouch is fairly well insulated against the sounds and smell, and unless I stick my head out I only see the inside of the pouch. Which is actually kind of boring, but at least it is not full of blinking multi-coloured lights! _Thankfully_.

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 21st day, Anhur era. (Jan 4 1999) <strong>

My Jaffa was given time off during the Tau'ri holiday season and went to see his wife Drey'auc and his son Rya'c. It was as boring as Jaffa life usually are, with the only entertainment being a spat between husband and wife over Teal'c's insistence on continuing the fight against the Goa'uld!

I wonder what the Tau'ri do during this 'time off'? I am firmly convinced they ought to work the whole year. Taking time off for 'relaxing' and such is a clear sign of their depravity and weakness. This will _not_ be tolerated when _I_ rule their world!

'O'Neill', the self-styled leader of our team, only returned to his posting just before we had a meeting with required attendance. Does he not have _any _sense of duty? At least the geeky 'Daniel' and 'Carter' remained on the base during the entirety of the holiday period, working. That is commendable, I must admit that. Perhaps I should honour them by taking 'Daniel' as my host, and maybe 'Carter' as my lo'tar. Or perhaps even as host for my queen. That is something I must consider.

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 39th day, Anhur era. (Jan 22 1999) <strong>

Over the last several days, my underling 'O'Neill' had slowly lost the ability to communicate in his native language, and begun speaking another, little by little. At first I thought he had finally lost it, but some of the words were recognizable, and it turned out he was speaking the language of the gatebuilders. The 'Ancients', as they are called.

Yes, the ones that left all that technology lying around everywhere in the Galaxy - which, I will readily admit is quite useful for the rest of us.

It all started when my team went to a planet which the Tau'ri with their usual lack of imagination had designated P3R-272. The place we ended up was uninteresting, to say the least. A room with no exits, and text in Asgard, Nox, Furling, and Ancient.

Wonderful! Just _awesome_!

Not!

It looked very much like one of those traps the evil Asgard put up for my people.

Even 'O'Neill' recognized there was no reason to linger in this place. He called going there 'an intergalactic waste of time', and I could only agree.

'Daniel', ever the stubborn, curious, but _clueless_ geek - particularly when the timing is the _worst_ - did not want to leave.

That was when 'O'Neill' stepped on a circle on the floor and something activated. A strange device immediately appeared, sticking out from the wall.

Against my advice, my Jaffa looked into it, apparently seeing only swirling coloured lights. As usual he did not think to ask if _I_ might be interested in looking. Why do they never think _I_ might have some valuable input?

Then 'O'Neill' looked into it and the thing grabbed his head! I must say I was happy then that I had not looked in it! Though the others of my team seemed to think it was made to _not_ react to me and my Jaffa due to my presence! I am _offended_! I guess I should expect nothing else, given how racist the Asgard have always been towards my kind!

Apparently the device deposited a vast amount of knowledge in 'O'Neill's' mind. Naturally, a human mind cannot hold large amounts of information - whereas I am sure mine easily could - so the knowledge began affecting him badly, seemingly killing him.

Whatever. I knew I could always get a better, more loyal underling. One who did not insist on spewing hate and slander about my kind and calling me 'Junior'!

I did not get another underling, though. Instead the programming from the device took control of 'O'Neill' and made him build some sort of power source that gave the chaapa'ai enough power to connect to a planet in another Galaxy! The Asgard _homeworld_!

Now _this _is useful! The Tau'ri should have immediately focused on creating more of these devices, because I could _certainly _use a handy way of travelling to other galaxies! Imagine the large forces I could amass without the knowledge of the System Lords here! I could return to conquer them without them suspecting a _thing_!

I could also go and remove the Asgard pest! Every Goa'uld in the Galaxy would thank me. Except the Tok'ra, I suppose. They are probably friends, given the Tok'ra will even befriend the Tau'ri!

The Tau'ri now had a way of travelling to the Asgard homeworld, but did they ask me if I wanted to come? No, 'O'Neill' just _left_, without saying _anything_. Granted, the Ancient programming had probably complete control at that time, so he may not have been able to communicate in words, but surely he could have found a way of offering me to follow with him!

Unless he worried the Asgard would harm me? I suppose they might try. Not that I would let them, of course!

After some time 'O'Neill' returned, alive and well - and as himself again. He told us he had talked to the Asgard. Unfortunately, all the extra information he had gotten from the repository was now gone. I was _so_ disappointed! I had hoped to gain access to it and use it!

That is so unfair!

By the way, 'O'Neill' seemed to think the Asgard are nice guys, but I am sure he would think differently if he knew they abduct humans and perform _experiments _on them! Humans _and_ others, actually. Such insolence!

Perhaps it was good I did not go with 'O'Neill'. If the Asgard had seen perfection such as me, they might have wanted to keep me for experimentation. Of course, I could not have permitted something like that, but it would have been _bothersome _to have to eradicate them all.


	9. Chapter 9

9.

**3rd cycle, 46th day, Anhur era. (Jan 29 1999) **

The fools at 'Stargate Command' connected the chaapa'ai to a planet in a binary system, where one of the stars was about to explode as a supernova. How could they not detect this? _No _Goa'uld would have made this error! _We_ have the technology to _predict _such things!

I can only conclude that the Tau'ri were either too stupid to think of it, or too primitive to know _how_ to detect it. Whatever the case, it does not bode well for our future cooperation - if I even survive for long if I remain with these bumbling idiots!

Then, when they failed to disconnect the wormhole, and the whole _planet_ was threatened with destruction, they did not even _ask_ me if I would be able to locate a ship so that I, the most valuable individual on the whole world, could escape!

Out of insanity they just tried cutting the power. When the wormhole was _obviously_ powered by the black hole! My Jaffa foolishly decided to remain standing in harms way, just as the haphazard power connections they use to run their chaapa'ai, was short-circuited. A large electric _bolt _leapt out and caught my Jaffa - and who do you think had to heal him? Me, of course. As usual.

If they had asked _me_, I might even have helped them build the technology needed to shut off the wormhole! I am sure I would have been able to figure it out in no time!

Instead they spent a long time - many weeks I am told later - deciding to solve the problem with a focused explosion. I mean, that _might _work, but it is certainly neither the safest, surest, or most effective way of shutting down a wormhole!

Luck followed them, though, and the connection was broken before we were all killed.

Such reckless behaviour and gambling with the life of others!

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 53th day, Anhur era. (Feb 5 1999) <strong>

My team went to a place that was _filled _with alien technology, and seemingly deserted. Then _Ma'chello_ appeared! I thought we had gotten rid of him, but it is clear that many of the other System Lords are incompetent and that I have to do everything myself! That is just typical!

In complete accord with the treason he is known for, he tricked one of my underlings, 'Daniel', in order to take over his body! That is an _offense_! Only Goa'uld are allowed to use the body of a human slave as their vessel! For a human to do so to another human is... _disgusting_, perverted, _blasphemous_!

It took my stupid team members a _long_ while to realize what had happened, and then they decided to bring the accursed piece of technology to Stargate Command, in order to _experiment _with it. Unsurprisingly, they did not heed my warnings, and my Jaffa ended up having his consciousness switched with 'O'Neill'.

_Fools_!

To make things worse, my otherwise acceptable home (mostly) came down with a disease. O'Neill was completely oblivious to the most basic parts of kel'no'reem, and gave me no help at all in curing the body he was currently inhabiting.

_Must_ I do everything myself? After I had moved around a little and nipped him a little here and there, he finally realized _something_ was amiss! How can he be so slow?

Then he called me _Junior_ again!

I hate him!

_Fortunately_, Teal'c was able to teach him... _adequately_, and I cured the minor ailment quickly with my usual phenomenal skill.

After Daniel convinces Ma'chello that what he has done is wrong for a human, they switch places and everyone returns to where they belong. That is good, of course, but I would have preferred Daniel had not used 'Goa'uld' as if he thought it was something bad! I _suppose_ he might have done it because it would work on Ma'chello - a known genocidal maniac - but still!

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 61st day, Anhur era. (Feb 12 1999) <strong>

The Tau'ri received a transmission, which they believed came from their friends, the Tok'ra shol'vah.

So _naturally _they immediately went to see what their Tok'ra friends - or masters, since even heretic gods are gods, after a fashion - wanted!

*Shakes head.* I _really_ do not understand. If they want to serve Goa'uld (which is natural, of course), then why not serve _true_ Goa'uld, instead of some perverted heretics like the Tok'ra?

I should just stop trying to understand the Tau'ri - they are just too strange!

Regardless, big was our surprise - yes, mine too I shall have to admit - when instead of the Tok'ra, Apophis had sent the transmission! After we had waited on the planet for some time, a deathglider _crashed_! It was being _chased _there! We were also being shot at!

Apophis was in the crashed deathglider! He demanded sanctuary from the Tau'ri, and they brought him back to Stargate Command.

Apophis wanted sanctuary? He was being _chased _by another Goa'uld? I suddenly had to wonder if he had lost his empire? All his power? _How _could this have _happened_?

Naturally, I was convinced that this was a trick, and that Apophis had some plan. I mean, that _was_ the most likely explanation, was it not?

However, as time passed, I began to realize that was not the case. I had to admit he was _truly _being hunted by a stronger Goa'uld, and had lost his empire!

How disappointing!

I have now lost _all_ respect for him! He is _clearly_ not someone I will _ever_ work for! Not even for the short time between I take my first host and I take my rightful place as ruler of the Galaxy.

This was turning out to be a really bad day, and to make it even worse, the Tok'ra arrived!

The _Tok'ra_! I will let that stand for a moment, because how could anyone expect something like that? I mean, they are hunted across the Galaxy, by all sane people, but they know they have the Tau'ri fooled to the point where it will be safe to go to the world of the Tau'ri!

And they were right! Yes, the Tau'ri just opened their iris for them! And let them _waltz _onto the base!

Goa'uld they bar from entry or lock up in chains, but the Tok'ra? They were invited in as _guests_, and allowed to walk freely! It is _shocking_!

The Tok'ra are the worst enemies _ever _of the true Goa'uld, and they should be eradicated! Instead, the Tau'ri allow them into their midst, and listen to their advice!

The science freak 'Carter' even invited the Tok'ra 'Martouf' to stay and help 'interrogate' Apophis! Martouf is the host, by the way, his symbiote is called Lantash and seems content to leave his host in control most of the time. Perverse, but that is the Tok'ra for you! How did they _become _like this? I shudder just _thinking_ of them!

The day just kept getting steadily worse, because the next that happened was that _Sokar_ attacked.

Sokar was supposed to be dead! Clearly he is not, and he seemed to have picked the Tau'ri for eradication due to their _idiocy _of taking Apophis back with them.

One good thing came of all this mess, though. The Tok'ra inadvertently gave me some useful information, while he was being a helpful servant to the Tau'ri (disgusting). He informed us that Sokar is fighting Heru'ur, and that this is currently keeping him occupied. Now _this _is important news!

I have forgot to note this, but Teal'c spent most of the time while Apophis was on the base gloating. Most _unbecoming _of a Jaffa! Even a former System Lord, now in disgrace such as Apophis, is of course _infinitely _above a Jaffa!

Then something happened I thought was impossible. Apophis _died_! How could this _happen_? He is a god! It _must_ be caused by what Sokar did to him! Even so, I cannot stop thinking it must be a trick, a way to make his enemies leave him alone, perhaps? While he is regaining his forces?

Still, if Apophis has to resort to such low schemes, then he is _not_ a worthy Goa'uld!

Then the Tau'ri again listened to their Tok'ra masters (or is it the other way around? It is impossible to tell with people so perverted), and sent Apophis's body back to where they had taken him from.

That, at least, was good advice.

The Tok'ra Martouf then informed the Tau'ri that Apophis would be revived in a sarcophagus and likely tortured endlessly by Sokar. This seemed to please the Tok'ra, but not (all) of the Tau'ri. Of course, the Tau'ri knows subconsciously the Goa'uld are their gods, and so they cannot truly wish harm on them, whereas the Tok'ra have no such problems, of course.

The day ended with a _disgusting _little display of Tok'ra-Tau'ri friendship! The Tok'ra gave the Tau'ri some Tollan technology so they could contact the Tok'ra (I need to remember the Tok'ra and the Tollan are apparently friends). Then the Tau'ri gave the Tok'ra one of those devices that will allow the iris to be opened. Just like that! They gave them the means to enter their base, _anytime_!

I will _never_ understand the Tau'ri! _Or _the Tok'ra.

*Shakes head.* What a horrible day!


	10. Chapter 10

10.

**3rd cycle, 74th day, Anhur era. (Feb 26 1999) **

After several boring missions, this one started out somewhat strangely as well as potentially interesting. A race that was able to override the Tau'ri iris dialled in. They _clearly _have some technology I might be interested in!

What appeared to be a human child came through the chaapa'ai. Even the Tau'ri were suspicious - they have clearly heard of Nirrti and the likes.

My science-geek underling went to check out the child, to determine if he might have naquadah in his blood. It is quite useful that she now has this ability, after being host to the Tok'ra Jolinar.

However, I must admit I am sometimes suspicious of her. I _know_ she does not just have physical changes to her body, she also carries some, if not all, of Jolinar's memories. While she cannot access them all - which is lucky for her, or she would _be_ Jolinar - they must affect her. I cannot imagine that they would not, since there are millennia of knowledge and memories there, far more than what a human has.

As an aside, it is also lucky otherwise. If she was any more Jolinar than she is, I would know with certainty I could not trust her, and so could not keep her as my underling. I am sure that she would become heartbroken if she were not allowed to serve me!

So... I am legitimately concerned about her loyalty. She may well have acquired the Tok'ra's blasphemous, _treasonous _attitude towards the Goa'uld! I must keep an eye on her always!

Regardless, the humans accept the 'human' child onto the base, and he starts talking about a danger - from the _Retou_!

So, there are some Retou rebels who wish to destroy the Goa'uld by killing off all humans. It is a _most _unpleasant idea, but hardly something that would destroy the Goa'uld. We can find other hosts, and have done so in the past. True, they may not be as ideally suited, but they will work until we can exterminate the Retou and recreate the human race from preserved specimens or something.

That is, if my incompetent brethren allowed the Retou to carry out their plan. I cannot imagine they would be that ignorant.

The Retou will _never_ win!

I soon met a Retou - that is, I _sensed_ it! It was the most unpleasant sensation I can _ever _remember experiencing! Intensely painful and almost causing me to black out. I did my best to make it clear to my slow Jaffa that he was _not_ to take up position near those things, and finally he realized. I had to _bite_ him to make it clear to him!

In fact, I was the _only _one on the base sensitive enough to detect these _horrible _creatures, so they should have thanked me for discovering it! But of course they did not. They _never_ do!

Hassaks!

Soon the _Tok'ra _arrived, though. This time it was not the one that - as perverse as that is - seems smitten by my science-geek underling Carter, but instead the one that has taken her father as host.

Obviously, the Tok'ra can sense the Retou - and I must admit I was gloating a little when their hosts suffered as well! That is what you get for this 'body-sharing' you seem to like so much! Hah!

The Tok'ra brought the Tau'ri some weapons they had _ripped off _from weapons stolen from the Goa'uld! That is an _outrage_! To give such weapons to mere humans!

When the Tok'ra left, after assisting me _slightly _in destroying the Retou on the base, they _admitted_ that I was the _only _hope the base had against the Retou! I am surprised that the Tok'ra are this intelligent!

It is true, of course. I _am_ the best hope the Tau'ri has against the Retou - and any other enemy for that matter! I am awesome!

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 81st day, Anhur era. (Mar 5 1999) <strong>

Sometimes I wish I had not been forced into isolation from other Goa'uld by my Jaffa's choice to betray his god. Mainly because I have _no _opportunity to tell others about my experiences. Maybe I should get a 'talk show', as they call them. That is something my Jaffa watches sometimes. I am sure I would become a huge success. Not only because I am incredibly intelligent and good looking, but I also have more fantastic stories to tell than almost any others. Add to that the fact that I am a _god_, and I cannot imagine there would be _anyone _who would not watch my show _religiously_.

Haha *snort*. That was a joke, get it? _Religiously_! Because I am a god, so it would be like a _sermon _to my people!

Anyway, what happened to us during our most recent mission was _truly _impressive. We travelled _through time_! Back in time, to the world of the Tau'ri in the year 1969 - measured by _their _calendar, of course.

My team had a unique opportunity to take advantage of all that they knew would happen. It would also help _me _become a powerful System Lord _much _quicker, because I would know many of the events that would happen _before_ they happened.

Did my team decide to do any of these obvious things? Take advantage of their fore-knowledge in any way?

No, not in the _least_! Fools! Instead they travelled around in a painted 'car', with some losers in weird clothes!

By the way, cars are something that should be made illegal. They are _highly _unsafe, as well as _painfully _slow. The only reason the Tau'ri use them is that they are too primitive to make something more advanced. Poor losers!

We spent days in the past, doing _nothing_ interesting! All my team wanted was to return to their own time, and they did not listen to me _at all_!

It was _so _disappointing!

Eventually we just returned through the chaapa'ai, to the present time. The only thing we got out of this was the knowledge that you can use solar flares in combination with the chaapa'ai to time travel, but it seems a much too uncertain and cumbersome way to do it, so while time travel is intriguing and a way to power quickly, I believe I shall wait for some better way to be found.

Or else I have to find it myself. I can do that, of course, with my fantastic, _awesome_ scientific powers!


	11. Chapter 11

11.

**3rd cycle, 88th day, Anhur era. (Mar 12 1999) **

We went to _yet _another planet, and at first glance all seemed peaceful. It did not last long. We were attacked by a mixture of Horus and Serpent Guards. Very, _very _strange! Their masters are mortal enemies, and naturally so are their Jaffa. _Why _were these working together?

My team failed me, and my Jaffa was critically injured. While I was pondering what to do, the Jaffa took my three human underlings, but left me and my Jaffa behind. I assume they felt my Jaffa was too damaged to worry further about, and also that they realized I was too dangerous an opponent to challenge further.

Then I was alone, with only my dying Jaffa for company. Who would _do _that to a poor child? Do they not realize that it would kill _me_ as well? I needed a new Jaffa or a host, and they just left! Uncaring _bastards_!

Out of options, I fought bravely to repair the many internal injuries my Jaffa had acquired. It was _very _hard work, and even a more mature symbiote than I would have had problems.

Eventually, the chaapa'ai activated, and SG-3 and SG-7 appeared. I normally do not care much for them, but at least they realized I needed help.

A briefly considered taking one of them as my host, but I was feeling fairly tired and decided to wait and rest up some first. I know the Tau'ri have some rudimentary medical knowledge which might keep my Jaffa alive while I rested. Then I could decide at that time if I would take one of my human underlings as a host, or if it was worth the trouble to heal my Jaffa.

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 109th day, Anhur era. (Apr 2 1999) <strong>

My Jaffa has been unconscious for _three _weeks! His weakness often has made me doubt whether or not it was worth my while to even keep him, and so I have not done my best to heal him. Still, even just spending a little effort now and then on him is enough, due to my fantastic abilities, and he has now recovered. I am even _more _powerful than I knew myself!

Doctor Frasier has kindly spent much of this time here with me, keeping me company. Some of the people on the base believe it is because she is dedicated to her job, or because she considers Teal'c a friend, but I know the truth. She is _clearly _enamoured by me, and I _am _flattered, even though she is only a human. She is part of the reason I decided to heal Teal'c - I could _not_ let her down when she clearly trusts in my abilities!

During these three weeks I have spent some minor time considering the fate of my other underlings. Not that it really matters, of course. They may have been useful now and then, but I am sure I will get others who are as good or better than these.

I believe my Jaffa agrees with me, even if he claims he wants to leave Stargate Command and search for his teammates alone.

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 110th day, Anhur era. (Apr 3 1999) <strong>

My Jaffa and I set out alone, unencumbered by weak humans. I must admit that was a relief, for once.

We went back to Chulak before doing anything else, and I wondered if my Jaffa would go and pledge his allegiance to Klorel, who probably rules in his fathers place. My Jaffa has many failings to apologize for.

I was not certain Klorel would accept him, though, mainly because he is jealous of me, and fears I will claim my inheritance instead of him. I must also admit I was not really fond of the thought of serving _Klorel_, even if only for a short time. He is _deeply _incompetent!

It did not seem my Jaffa had any such plans, though. My Jaffa first went to see his master, Bra'tac. He is another _untrustworthy _Jaffa, perhaps even worse than Teal'c, who has repeatedly betrayed his god and is still influencing young Jaffa and making _them_ want to betray their gods.

Bra'tac had been attacked by the remainder of Apophis's personal guard. I felt happiness at this. At least there were _some_ Jaffa who were still loyal to their god! The universe has not come to an end completely!

I was then again reminded that my Jaffa is a fool! He decided to assist _Bra'tac _instead of joining the side that would naturally win! They decided they wanted to rally the Jaffa on the planet, and then they arranged for a meeting that will be held tonight.

I honestly fear it will turn bloody, and I just hope the Apophis loyalists are intelligent enough not to allow their rightful anger against Teal'c and Bra'tac to hit me, who is _completely _innocent.

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 111th day, Anhur era. (Apr 4 1999) <strong>

As I had foreseen, the tone was quite hostile at the meeting, but there was no battle as I had feared.

Strangely enough, the human 'leader' of Stargate Command, the underling that calls himself 'General Hammond', had finally decided to show his loyalty to me. I had almost given up hope that would _ever _happen!

He also brought the information that the _Tok'ra_ had apparently found out what had happened to my underlings and reported that to Stargate Command. _Hathor_, had captured them.

It is truly strange to have Tok'ra serving me, but I suppose even _they _are able to recognize my greatness.

It amuses me greatly that the court of the famous Hathor has been infiltrated by the Tok'ra, and as long as the Tok'ra serve me, I approve of their work. I am not sure I can fully trust them though, but I will make use of them for now.

After pondering it for a while, I decided that freeing my captured underlings would not only show my great mercy, but also be quite an impressive feat, something that would only increase my fame. Hammond, Teal'c, and Bra'tac approved of my plan, and we set off for the planet Hathor has made hers.

I must admit I feel she needs to be put in her place. I care not for her stealing Horus guards - Heru'ur deserves it - but to steal _Serpent guards _is an offense against me! Their _true _master.

Perhaps I should insist on Hathor serving me as punishment? Of course, it would be more like an honour and a reward, so I am not sure if that is the right way to go. I should be careful about not showing _too_ much mercy.

Question was, would she serve me well? I _do _need a hot Goa'uld queen, but there are others who may be more trustworthy and loyal.

It was not an easy decision.

It turned out that a long time ago Bra'tac had hidden a Chaap'Nema - one of those small death gliders that will fit through a chaapa'ai. He had _stolen_ it from Lord Apophis, for his own use, I assume!

Intolerable! Such _insolence_! I should punish him severely, but I suppose I will make use of him and his stolen vessel right now and let him think himself safe!

My Jaffa and Hammond manned the Chaap'Nema with me, and I ordered them to fly through to Hathor's planet. The scheming harlot was in for a surprise!

On the planet, the illoyal Jaffa were standing by the chaapa'ai. They had some weapon's platforms, which we quickly destroyed, and the victory was soon complete! The rest of SG-1 was rescued - it was _such _an easy mission!

They claimed Hathor had been killed during their escape, but I am not sure I believe them. I may come back to look for her at some point. _If _I should decide I want her, of course.


	12. Chapter 12

12.

**3rd cycle, 166th day, Anhur era. (May 29 1999) **

My team had been given some time off after a 'hard' mission (Tau'ri are _so _weak!). During part of this time my Tau'ri team members had decided to show me and my Jaffa some examples of typical Tau'ri life.

Yes, I _know _how boring that sounds! I considered vetoing the whole thing, of course, but my Jaffa was so very enthusiastic about it, and I suppose it might be educational to see some more of this planet. If nothing else, I get to see some of the future host-options I have.

So I magnanimously agreed to their plan, and we left for the first of three 'outings'.

We were going to go to something called an 'amusement park'. Of course, I feared I would not be amused. The Tau'ri have such primitive ideas of amusement, and I doubted there would be either naked dancers, performing sex slaves, or other typical entertainment.

Unsurprisingly, I was right. Much of the place was boring, and it was also filled with torture instruments of an hitherto unknown degree of cruelty and creativity. Even Ba'al or Sokar would be impressed. I had not expected the Tau'ri to have such ingenuity in this matter, and for a short time I almost respected them.

Then I realized they were just more perverted than I had ever dreamed possible. These torture implements were meant as _entertainment_, and not just by watching _others_ endure them, which would have made sense, but also for _using on yourself_!

Yes, they _willingly _sit in devices that will rotate you at high speed, while moving you up and down, or even shake you. Upside down. Or sometimes just drop you from a high height!

My three Tau'ri underlings seemed to find all of this to be great fun, particularly O'Neill, who were willing to subject himself to the _worst _of the devices and just laugh at it. I had not known he was so brave. _Foolish_, but brave.

Naturally, my Jaffa had somewhat more sense and refused to allow himself to suffer these implements. O'Neill kept trying to convince him, _dare_ him to try even, and unfortunately he finally succeeded.

We found ourselves strapped into a cart of some sort, with a bar that pressed uncomfortably against my pouch and preventing me from safely peeking out to see more than very little of what was going on. This only made the experience worse. I realize the need for _some _sort of safety measures, or one would be slung from the cart, but could they not have chosen something a bit more _civilized_, like a forcefield?

Before I knew what was happening, the cart started moving. Alarmed, I attached more strongly to my Jaffa, sinking my fangs into a place in his pouch that seemed sturdy. My Jaffa jumped at this, clearly not liking it. Well, he has only himself to blame, subjecting me to _this_! When I take a host, my first action will be to punish Teal'c for doing something so horrible to me!

I was then remained of my worry that I would one day have to take Teal'c as a host, since he does not usually give me many opportunities to select something better than a Jaffa. Well, if that happens, I shall not _just_ suppress him, but _also _make him suffer!

The cart continued climbing, but just as I had started getting used to the sensation, it suddenly plunged down at great speed, zipping along the unsafe track and turning a corner so hard my Jaffa was slung against O'Neill (hah!) and forced to cling to the bar pressing against me.

People around us screamed, predictably. Then they _squealed_ happily! O'Neill _laughed_! Then _Teal'c_ made a sound I have never before heard a Jaffa make. He squealed like a young human female! _Disgusting_!

The cart continued along the track for a time that seemed endless, repeating the action of plunging down suddenly and then careening around way too sharp curves. Eventually, _finally_ we stopped. Very hard, but at least we were alive. I felt like throwing up.

I _hate _my Jaffa and the rest of my teammates. I shall make them suffer for this! For a very, _very_ long time!

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 167th day, Anhur era. (May 30 1999) <strong>

I was understandably wary when we started on the next 'trip'. What new devilry would they expose me to?

This time we were going to something called a 'Zoological Garden', or abbreviated to 'ZOO'. Yes, I believe I have mentioned it before, but the Tau'ri have problems with long words.

When we had entered the place, I peeked out briefly. The 'ZOO' seemed safe enough - there were no signs of the large torture devices seen in the amusement park, at least. There _was_ something worrying, though. I suddenly heard the sound of a large predator growling, and I am convinced I _smelled_ it too!

I soon came to the _horrifying _realization that there were indeed large predators nearby! Straight ahead of us - and with only a _laughably _inadequate fence - were several large tigers. _Tigers_!

I mean, I _know_ there are some Goa'uld who have tame tigers and other large predators as pets. It is a somewhat ludicrous idea, but to each their own. There are also entertainers who have performing wild animals, but I cannot say I care too much for the idea. Regardless, those creatures at least have some training, but these seemed undomesticated. In addition, there were no Goa'uld owners nearby who might have kept the critters under control.

You _cannot_ trust humans with something so dangerous!

_Why_ do my Jaffa and my other teammates continue to put me in danger?

We looked at the tigers while they were being fed - which was somewhat entertaining, I shall readily admit to that, even if I had preferred them to be given a live goat or something like that. I would have liked to see that!

Yes, as usual, no one asked me what _I_ wanted to see, and my team just went from one enclosure to another, observing the animals inside.

So a quickly realized that a 'ZOO' is the same as a garden of exotic animals. _Why _did they not just _say_ so? My Queen-mother has seen a few such places, but they all had the animals safely behind force fields. Not only is much of this 'ZOO' unsafe, but there are also some enclosures that are hidden behind a wire fence grid, making it hard to see the animals well.

Idiocy!

All of this did not stop my team from walking around for _hours_, looking at the various creatures. Most of the lifeforms they have in this place are fairly mundane. There were only one or two that I did not have any genetic memory of. Why do they not have any _interesting _creatures? Like Berengarian dragons or Ikka fire wolves, for instance. Those are some of my personal favourites. They may be too much to handle for mere humans, I suppose.

One thing I _have_ enjoyed on these 'vacation trips' is that it is, for once, warm enough that my Jaffa is only wearing a thin shirt - or like yesterday, one with buttons all the way down. That is _great_, because it means I have a much better view than normally, where I either have to peer through cloth and get a murky view, try to look out _under _it, or gnaw a hole. I have often done the latter, of course, but my Jaffa always complains! Even when I have only made a tiny little hole! How did he think I was going to see what was going on? Tau'ri uniforms are horrible in that matter! It is _boring_ in here!


	13. Chapter 13

13.

**3rd cycle, 170th day, Anhur era. (Jun 2 1999) **

I had expected us to go on the third promised 'trip' immediately after the journey to the 'ZOO', but that was not the case. Apparently the weak humans desired a somewhat higher temperature in order to enjoy the trip they had planned.

So, three days later, they decided the temperature and weather was agreeable, and since they still had 'time off', we left on the journey.

I must admit that this trip has had me somewhat apprehensive. They had been talking about going to the beach, and to go _swimming_. Now, I _like _swimming, but 'the beach' sounded like it would most likely be located near the sea and that means _saltwater_. Do they not know how unpleasant saltwater feels to the skin of a symbiote? It dries out the skin, and makes you feel generally unpleasant, and it can take as long as a couple of _days_ before the problems subside! Do they really think the pouch is water proof? Idiots!

Though to be honest, the more likely explanation is that they just do not care about poor me!

Fortunately, it turned out my worries were unfounded. The sea is too far away (with the primitive Tau'ri technology), for them to visit it during a 'day-trip', as they call it. Instead we were going to a place 'only' three hours drive from Colorado Springs.

Colorado Springs. That is the name of the town our base is located in.

Oh, and we were going _drive_ to this beach they talked about. By _car_. As I know I have mentioned before, cars are unsafe. Cars are also noisy and their exhaust smells bad. They also make me seasick.

I may have mentioned it before, but I truly hate them.

Anyway, we were going to something called 'Medano Creek', which is part of something called the 'Great Sand Dunes National Park and Preserve'. Now, to me that sounded boring. A creek in an area of large sand dunes? That does not exactly sound lush, right?

Turns out it is - somewhat - lush. Well, during certain parts of the year, at least. There was also a beach and plenty of water. Not saltwater, so that was an _immense _relief. I was beginning to get in a better mood. Perhaps this would not be so bad after all.

My team found a place that was not too crowded, which O'Neill claimed was a feat since it is apparently extremely popular. I cannot say I am that impressed. If this is one of the epic places on the world of the Tau'ri, then I must say I have memories of many places _far_ more impressive.

Regardless, I suppose it was a nice enough place. After my team had eaten - they are _always_ stuffing themselves - they decided it was time for a swim. My human underlings had even convinced my Jaffa that _he_ should try it.

Then the expected happened. For some reason my team is always _very_ concerned someone shall see my pouch!

It is really ridiculous how much they worry, but maybe the other Tau'ri are not used to such awesome beings such as myself, and might faint from the happiness of seeing me?

You never know, the Tau'ri _are _strange.

This quirk had given them problems ahead of this 'swimming exercise'. The swim wear for males - yes, Tau'ri wear _clothes_ for swimming - does not traditionally hide the place where my abode is located. However, they solved this by letting my Jaffa wear a thin shirt until they were ready to get into the water. Since the place we had picked out was mostly hidden behind bushes and no one else was close by, it was deemed safe for Teal'c to wear only his 'swim wear' while going into the water.

I was _ecstatic _at that! There would be nothing to prevent my open view of the world! I did not even have to gnaw a hole in a shirt!

In my opinion, the distance to other visitors was not only an advantage. It meant I could not get good glimpses of all the attractive females who were spending the day at the beach - wearing _very _little clothing. Carter is quite good looking, by the way. It is too bad she has chosen a full bathing suit instead of the 'bikinis' many of the other females are wearing.

_So _many attractive women! _Rawr_! If I only had a host...

*Sigh.*

Well, my Jaffa and I went out into the water together with our team mates. Being under water is of course no problem for me, and I will say I quite enjoyed it. I opened one of the 'flaps' a little and let more water flow in immediately. It was nice to be able to clean my place a little more thorough too. That is so difficult when Teal'c usually only showers!

As my Jaffa waded through the water, I considered going for a swim. After thinking about it for some time, I decided against it, though, because I would not put it beyond my team to not discover I was missing until Teal'c was getting weak! Yes, he needs my _constant _help to keep his body working. It is tiresome sometimes, to be so needed, but I suppose that is how it should be.

So I decided to stay - also because I did not know those waters, and there could easily be large, predatory fish.

Then something _very_ interesting happened. My Jaffa went in among some water plants to watch a school of small fish. Small _delicious_ fish, and just the right size too!

Do you have _any _idea how hard it is to live _only_ on the nutrients you get from your Jaffa? When you have the memories of countless delicious dishes? This is particularly hard when your Jaffa and the rest of your team _insists_ on eating food which sometimes smells _very_ good. They should be a little more considerate of their poor teammate!

So, these little fish... I decided it was worth trying to lure one or more of them into my puch, and I slowly opened one of the flaps of the pouch and moved my tail near the entrance. I waved it back and forth a little, and almost immediately one of the _stupid_ fish approached, thinking it might be food.

Fish are stupid, and it swam right into the pouch. I quickly pulled the flap closed with my teeth, and the fish was captured. My Jaffa made the weird movement he always does when I nibble on him, but he really needs to relax. He knows I will heal him.

That was a later concern, though, because I now had a fish trapped in here with me. I felt my mouth water - even though I would of course not usually eat fish _raw_. I made an exception here, though. I quickly opened my fearsome jaws and with a lightening quick movement I caught the fish. It squirmed a little, but not for long. Having killed the fish, I ate it with relish. It was surprisingly good - it is amazing what you will accept as good when you are deprived for as long as I had been.

Pleased that the 'trip' had been quite a success, I decided to take a nap for the rest of the day.


	14. Chapter 14

14.

**3rd cycle, 200th day, Anhur era. (July 2 1999) **

A few days ago, Stargate Command was again visited by one of the accursed Tok'ra.

The Tau'ri _continue _to welcome them, without showing _any _signs of suspicion. They are fools. Do they not know that _all _Goa'uld will take advantage of everyone around them to achieve their goal - or at least that is how it should be. Anything else would be stupid!

It does, however, seem like the Tok'ra are stupid in this manner as well. They show _no _signs of wanting to deceive the Tau'ri, and I am beginning to get the horrible feeling that they are actually trustworthy allies for the humans. That they really, _truly_, want to fight to help the humans of the Galaxy.

What is _wrong _with these people?

Anyway, the Tok'ra that arrived this time was the one that has my underling Carter's father as host. The Tok'ra had done a census of the more important Goa'uld, what they knew about them, and such.

They had not included me! Such _insolence!_

At least they came to offer this information, which I can absolutely use, of course.

They had determined that the Goa'uld Seth was probably still on the world of the Tau'ri, and they wanted to capture him.

Now that made sense. Wanting to capture him, I mean. Seth tried to overthrow Ra and there has long been a great bounty waiting for the one that delivers him - dead or alive.

My personal opinion is that Seth is a wimp. He has spent several millennia hiding on this world, afraid of the other Goa'uld, and clearly not doing much to further his empire! But all right, if the Tok'ra think they can find him, then let them try. I guess we will help them - but only because I expect to be the one to earn the prize on Seth's head!

Since Seth did not even have a sarcophagus, he would have had to change hosts every 400-500 years, so we did not have much to go on. He could look like anyone! The world of the Tau'ri has more than six billion humans! _Why_ have they been allowed to breed in such numbers? It is a disgrace, no, an _abomination_!

I assigned my underling Daniel to the task of weeding out Seth. He is good at tedious, mind-numbing work. I shall refrain from pointing out the obvious reason that type of work is so well suited to him...

My Jaffa - and myself, of course - helped Daniel, and so we soon found Seth. It turned out Seth was even weaker and more pitiful than I had believed. Not only did he not rule the planet, he had not even succeeded in conquering one tiny little country (as the Tau'ri call the regions they divide their world in).

_Laughable_!

Seth was only the leader of a small 'cult'! Hahaha! _Loser_!

I did not even think there would be any need for my expertise on that mission. After receiving my excellent guidance for more than a year and a half, my underlings would be able to handle this, in cooperation with the Tok'ra.

We travelled to the location where Seth was hiding, and after some minor trouble (mostly caused by the _stupid_ Tau'ri and Tok'ra forgetting that a symbiote can sense Carter was previously a host), we killed Seth.

Yes, it was unfortunately necessary to kill him. I decided he was just too much trouble, and since Carter was angry at Seth for harming her father-Tok'ra, I permitted her to kill Seth. With a kara'kesh.

Now, usually I would say that was heresy - to allow a mere _human _to use a weapon meant to be used _only_ by gods - but she _was_ host to Jolinar, and besides, she did it on my order, so it can be seen as really being _me _who killed Seth.

After all my hard work I expected to be thoroughly rewarded - among other things I expected that _I _would be given Seth's corpse.

That did _not _happen! The Tau'ri kept it! No doubt they gave it to the evil, treasonous NID people!

I am _deeply _offended, and I am not sure I will help them again! At least not any time soon!

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 207th day, Anhur era. (July 9 1999) <strong>

The Tok'ra Selmak stayed for several days _after_ Seth was killed, and I was beginning to fear the Tok'ra was setting up a permanent position here. _Fortunately_, that was not the case.

The first Tok'ra-free day on the base was celebrated with my underling Carter being promoted. Her father-Tok'ra had wanted to be there, but apparently the Tok'ra Council had other plans. _Hah_!

To be honest, I care little about the various human ranks. No human can truly achieve a higher rank than lo'tar, so all the other little distinctions they come up with are merely make-believe. If it makes them happy, then why not permit it? Let them have fun.

*Shrugs.*

So, they changed Carter's rank from 'Captain' to 'Major'. *Shrugs* Who cares.

This was followed by _lots _of boring speeches.

At the very end of the ceremony, O'Neill was going to make what would no doubt have been a _horribly _boring speech, but then he was teleported out of the room by what was obviously an Asgard teleportation beam.

Now that I _do_ care about! Not only were we saved from the speech, but the Asgard have some interesting technology that I would like to get my hands on. It would make my plans for my empire so much easier to carry through.

Not that I really need it, of course. Not with my awesome powers. It would just be... less bothersome.

Of course, the thought crossed my mind that maybe the Asgard had just decided O'Neill was a good subject for those, ah, _experiments _they like to do on other lifeforms.

That was not the (only) reason, though. It turned out the System Lords were getting tired of the obstinance of the Tau'ri - and rightfully so, I might add - and killing Hathor was the last straw.

I do see where they are coming from, but I have it all under control. I am using the Tau'ri to remove some of the competition from the Galaxy, and I even got the Tok'ra doing my work for me too. So, _naturally_, I was less than pleased that the other System Lords had agreed to cooperate with each other and remove my useful (albeit unwilling) tools.

By the way, the Asgard _again _admitted their lack of ships and resources available - I wonder if they even have _any _ships? Or is the enemy they fight in their home galaxy truly that formidable? In any case, the result was the same; the Asgard could not send any ships to help.

That left me, _alone_, to fight all the System Lords. _Again_. Why must _I _always do everything myself?

When I complained, the Asgard offered to help negotiate the entry of the world of the Tau'ri into the Protected Planets treaty.

I must admit I was unsure if this was a good idea or not. Mainly because I was given so little information. Would there be one of the deadly Hammer-devices installed, for instance?

On the other hand, having my world be a member of the Protected Planets would mean I would not have to worry about defending it until I had my fleet ready.

A very attractive thought!

So, I decided to let the negotiations begin. I could always call an end to them if they did not turn out as I wanted them to. After all, if the System Lords decided to punish this world I could just take my Jaffa and a few selected underlings and go to another world. It might set my plans back a little, but with my awesomeness it would not be too much.

Carter supported me - by saying that the _Tok'ra _trust the Asgard! I do not know what to think of this! Does it mean the Tok'ra are friends with the Asgard? Could that truly be so? What a _horrible _thought!


	15. Chapter 15

15.

**3rd cycle, 211th day, Anhur era. (July 13 1999) **

Preparations were made for the negotiations, and I will admit that my servants worked fairly fast and efficient this time. They also made the chambers chosen for this look... _almost _acceptable.

The colours of the base in general is horribly drab! Worse than the Tok'ra tunnels, in fact, even if the rooms here are not all so spartan as what _they _seem to think is right. And at least we have doors!

The Goa'uld System Lord representatives were announced - and why they did not just pick me, as I am already here... well that is _anybody's _guess, I suppose.

The choices were... not the best, to say the least. Lord Yu is at least respectable, I suppose, but _Nirrti_? She is completely untrustworthy! You can _never _have too many guards on her!

Then, the third choice... that I can only assume was done _deliberately _to spite me. _Cronus_! Of all the possible System Lords to send, they picked _Cronus_? He is a primitive brute! _No _civilized person would _ever _choose to in the same _room_ as him. To decide to have him represent you... *shakes head*. I can only conclude that the System Lords are not taking this seriously and are sending these as a punishment - to the representatives as _well _as to me!

This _insolence _will be avenged!

To be honest, I had more than half a mind to tell the Tau'ri to not go through with the negotiations at all! Such insults are just not acceptable, and I am sure they would agree, even if it meant losing their lives and planet!

After pondering it for a while, I _did_ decided to continue with the negotiations. Mainly because I would like to see what the System Lords were offering - and see if I could learn something new about these three Goa'uld, as they are no doubt future rivals. Nirrti and Cronus are among the most untrustworthy of the System Lords, so I cannot imagine we will not do battle!

And so the System Lords arrived on my base. They were _not_ pleased by the presence of my Jaffa, and I do realize that some cannot see through the fact that my abode has betrayed Apophis. What they do not know is that he did it because he only wants to serve _me_! Yes, it was misplaced loyalty, of course, and he should have kept his place, but what can you do?

The Goa'uld representatives naturally complained about many of the offensive practises I have had to get used to from the Tau'ri. One of them is this _incessant _need for surveillance that these humans seems to have. They had even placed their 'cameras' inside the quarters of the System Lords! Such _insolence_! What did they expect to get out of this? Where they hoping to watch them pleasure themselves with their lo'tars, perhaps? The Tau'ri are more perverse than most - aside from the Tok'ra, I suppose - so I would not put it beyond them!

Well, the negotiations did not go well! The System Lords insisted that the Tau'ri would not be allowed to leave their world at all, if they should be accepted into the Protected Planets treaty.

That is unacceptable, of course! How can I gather enough naquadah then? Find the advanced technology I need for my fleet?

I made this clear to Hammond, but the _fool_ was not certain he would listen to my suggestions! How could he not realize it was the only correct response?

I pondered how I should punish him for his disobedience, but I ended up not having to do so. Nirrti showed herself as the traitor everyone knew her to be, and she attempted to not only assassinate Cronus, but to make them suspect _me_ and my Jaffa!

I was speechless! She even injured my Jaffa gravely during this shameful attack!

Is there no lower limit beyond which people will not go?

So, while I was working hard to heal my unconscious Jaffa, Cronus was brought mortally injured to the Tau'ri 'infirmary'/torture chamber.

I wondered, would another Goa'uld die there? Or _pretend _to die I mean, because Apophis obviously did not!

My diligent work paid off, and I succeeded in healing my Jaffa much faster than anyone could expect! I should really get some recognition for this, but all I got was another slur from 'O'Neill'. Yes, I realize he thought he was being kind, but calling me 'Junior' kind of negates anything nice he might say!

How can he be so stupid? So oblivious to common etiquette?

As an aside, my Jaffa apparently has 'history' with Cronus, as that System Lord killed his father. Now, I can see why my Jaffa might not like that, but he should remember that it is the right of any Goa'uld to do as he wishes with his subjects. Even if that Goa'uld is a primitive brute like Cronus.

I can understand why my Jaffa wanted to become First Prime to a better god, though. It is no wonder that he worked hard to earn the position with Apophis. A larger question is how he could abandon this position?

Such insanity!

Another thing is that I seem to have a vague recollection of the event... when Cronus killed my Jaffa's father, I mean. It is not clear to me, though, as is the case for many of my memories. They will become clearer and appear more to me as I mature, but it is annoying that I cannot access them all!

Anyway, I healed my Jaffa and allowed him to wake up, so he could recount the events for our team, since they regularly seems regrettably unable to understand me - or perhaps unwilling to listen to me!

Idiots! I am really too kind for such scum!

Knowing Nirrti was the culprit meant we could come up with a clever plan, and the disloyal Goa'uld was revealed and captured!

An interesting small event I should mention, is that Carter attempted to use the healing device to save Cronus, but the part of her that is still Jolinar would not let her, as Cronus sent the ashrak who killed her. Hah! I _knew _the powers of a symbiote were so great that even after death they can control their former hosts!

She eventually healed Cronus - but only after I encouraged her to do so, of course. And I did so _only _because I knew it would be a problem for us all if Cronus 'died' here.

So, because I caused Cronus to be saved, he agreed to vote for _my_ preferred version of the treaty - the world of the Tau'ri would be included in the Protected Planets treaty, but we would _not_ be forbidden from going out into the Galaxy!

Another great success for me! Now where is the medal?

No where to be seen. As usual. The world and everyone around me are so ungrateful!


	16. Chapter 16

16.

**3rd cycle, 214th day, Anhur era. (July 16 1999) **

Our most recent mission came closer to disaster than any of our previous missions _ever _have! I am still feeling a little weak after the experience, but I am regaining my strength fast, of course. It was _all _due to the _evil_ accursed Ma'chello! It is _truly _regrettable he is dead, and I am tempted to go through the bother of timetravel just to get to him so he can be punished for this further atrocity!

He tried to kill me! Well, not _directly_, of course. He was much too cowardly for that. Instead he set a trap for any random Goa'uld who happened to pass by, something which hit the nine members of Linvris.

Now, I do not mind _that_ so much, the killing itself I mean - the Linvris was a minor league who challenged the System Lords. Rivals that I can do without. Of course, to have a mere _human_ kill them is an outrage! Something like that is the prerogative of the Goa'uld!

What was even worse was that Ma'chello had not realized this danger would still be out there after his death, and after killing the Linvris it was lurking, waiting to kill other, _completely _innocent Goa'uld! How could he be so careless?

Unless he did it because he hates _all_ Goa'uld. I would not put it beyond him, genocidal maniac that he was!

My team wandered into the room where the Linvris had died, and then Daniel touched something he should not have. That is a _really _bad habit he has, and this time it was almost fatal!

_Fortunately _he suffered somewhat for his mistake too, thinking he was going crazy. Not that I would notice - he always seems more than a bit unhinged.

So, they locked him up, and there would have been no further problems if not my other human teammates and my Jaffa had insisted on visiting Daniel. Why would they _do _that? It was obvious to anyone he was crazy and unsafe to be near.

But did they listen to reason? No. Did they listen to my warnings? No. _Idiots_!

We went to visit my servant Daniel in his padded cell. He raved on about this and that, he sounded truly insane, laughed like he was crazy, talked about seeing beings obviously not there - and then he lounged for the door, trying to escape to spread his insanity.

My Jaffa, as always vigilant, caught hold of him. That was a mistake and some devilry invented by Ma'chello crawled from Daniel into my Jaffa. It started _immediately _to wreck havoc to my system! Who _makes _evil devices like this? Ma'chello, of course, but what kind of being would _do _that?

I fought bravely against the nefarious piece of machinery, organism, or whatever it was, but it was designed to do one thing, and one thing only. Kill Goa'uld, and it was extremely proficient at this.

Damn thing! I am certain there are laws against inventing something like that! If Ma'chello was not dead I would torture him to death a thousand times in each way I know how!

I was weakening, and it was suddenly obvious to me that Ma'chello must had sold himself to some powerful god. Sokar, perhaps, or he would never have been able to invent something so devious! After all, only gods can kill gods.

I was near death, but fortunately Carter served me well - or rather her former symbiote did. She saved me, even after her death. _How _do you ask? Well, Ma'chello had made his devices to look for the leftover protein markers and pieces of code of life from a Goa'uld that is dead in its host, to tell it when to stop doing its killing. Jolinar had left such protein markers in Carter's blood, which we used.

Macaber and stupid! Hah! But the fact remains, I was saved by a symbiote, albeit a Tok'ra! Naturally - there is _no _way a human could do something like that!

I am recuperating, and we are all off duty for some time. My teammates are insisting they need to bring a sample of Carter's blood to the Tok'ra, so they can all be immunized against Ma'chello's devilry. That is what they are currently working on.

Fools! Do they not understand that they are removing one more opportunity for me to kill off the Tok'ra? Something I will do the _moment_ they have outlived their usefulness?

Instead my team members are now making the heretics immune to something that will potentially kill all other symbiotes. Why would they _do_ that?

If I were not so tired I would object, but for now I have decided it is not worth the trouble and I just let them do it. Perhaps it will turn out to my advantage at some point in the future. The Tok'ra should at least be _extremely _grateful to me for this!

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 228th day, Anhur era. (July 30 1999) <strong>

I have now done what many other Goa'uld have aspired to - I have travelled to another universe!

Yes, it is true! It all started when two persons came through the quantum mirror that my servant, 'Daniel' had found for me more than a year ago. I had intended to be careful with it and only use it for reconnaissance, gathering some technology and resources, and such. I had _certainly _not intended to make it widely known that I had it!

That also includes _not_ keeping it open for anyone to just stop by from random universes! That is just too dangerous! I am sure there _must _be a setting for disallowing that, and that the humans looking after it was just too incompetent to discover it!

So, as I said, two humans came through. One was a double of my servant 'Carter', but in that universe she had not had the pleasure of meeting me. Thus lost and without a center in her life, she had married 'O'Neill'. That is _illegal_! Not just according to the Tau'ri military rules (yes, I realize that in that universe 'Carter' was not in their 'Air Force', but she should have been!), but I am _not_ going to allow my underlings to marry each other! Or anyone else, for that matter. Teal'c was a special case, since he _is_ my Jaffa, but others must keep their _entire _focus on me, and not waste their time and affection on any others!

Together with the other 'Carter'... by the way, I like the long hair, maybe my 'Carter' should change her hair style? Anyway, together with her arrived someone called 'Kawalsky'. I have not met him before, because some other symbiote took him as host in this universe. And was killed. By my Jaffa!

I will assume Teal'c only did this because he could not stand the thought of having to serve another god but me? Perhaps I should offer to take this Kawalsky as my host? Would that make my Jaffa happy?

While I was still toying with the idea, it turned out there was a nasty side-effect to travel between universes. Yes, I had heard rumours of this!

Fortunately, it only affected those who are also alive in the universe they travel to!

That meant I was safe. Wonderful! Nothing to worry about, then!

By the way, the Kawalsky from the other universe does _not _like my Jaffa. Apparently he leads the attack against the world of the Tau'ri over there!

So he never betrayed his god. Good for him! I wonder if he is my Jaffa in that universe as well? Maybe I am instead at my rightful place, beside my father Apophis? It is very possible. Likely, even.

Of course, as much as I would like to see that universe, I decided it would be too dangerous. What if that 'entropic cascade failure' affected me?

Teal'c did not heed any such warnings! He insisted on going - knowing full well that I had to come as well. Insensitive _hassak_!

At least I got to go to another universe. I know everyone reading this will be suitably impressed!

With the assistance of my Jaffa and I, the battle was quickly won. Yes, I will admit to some trepidation at battling Apophis in the other universe, but I will assume it helped the me there to achieve dominance much earlier than he would otherwise have.

Should I, against expectation, turn out _not_ to be in a suitable position in the other reality, then I will at least have made the preparation for my own triumphant conquest there!


	17. Chapter 17

17.

**3rd cycle, 235th day, Anhur era. (Aug 6 1999) **

I guess it was inevitable, but we ran into the Tok'ra again! Not only that, but my team were ready to _sacrifice_ themselves for the heretic! Even my Jaffa!

Yes, I realize how completely insane and unbelievable that sounds, but it is true! This is what happened!

My team had sent one of their flying unmanned spies - UAVs, as they call them. It was shot down, by what they presumed was a Goa'uld.

Did this stop them from blissfully wandering out on the planet? No.

Did they bring extra forces? No.

Did they risk my life with their _foolish_ misplaced bravery? Yes. That is _exactly_ what they did!

We had not been long on that planet before my hapless team walked headfirst into a trap!

We were captured by a bounty hunter calling himself Aris Boch, who told us he thinks of himself as the greatest hunter in the Galaxy!

It would be laughable if it was not such an insolence! It is _obvious_ he cannot be the greatest hunter in the Galaxy since he is not a Goa'uld! Hah! Any ashrak could beat him with their eyes closed and one hand (and fin) tied on their back!

He claimed he knew of my team, and I am flattered, of course - even though he did not mention me. Why not, I question myself. Is it because my team has been taking the credit alone? Or perhaps because this Aris Boch fellow is not so up to date with the information as he likes to think?

He did not like that none of us had heard of him! Hah! Arrogant fool! How can someone be so arrogant when they have nothing to be arrogant about? Only gods have that right!

I learned something laughable, by the way. My Jaffa seemed to think (well, _seems_ to think, as I did not dissuade him from his erroneous idea) that a teltac can only travel at twice the speed of light! Not that I am surprised - he is often _completely _clueless about Goa'uld technology. I do not know why the rest of my team - and my servants back at Stargate Command - even _listen _to him. They do, though, _constantly_. Despite the fact that he gets proven wrong again and again. I would think 'Carter' at least knew better. She has been host to a Tok'ra! Even _they_ should know these things!

Did none of my servants listen when Jolinar pointed out that Teal'c is just a Jaffa? They _all _heard it at the debriefing, and Teal'c even admitted it.

Fools, all of them!

So we were trapped. I considered using my awesome powers to get us out of there, but then Aris Boch asked my team for help in capturing a renegade Goa'uld. I found that too interesting to pass up, and decided to wait a little while.

Apparently this 'Kel'tar' - the Goa'uld Aris Boch was hunting - had a price on this head after Sokar discovered him plotting against him.

Now, Sokar is dangerous and uncivilized, but he is no fool. Plotting against him is brave, possibly stupid. So, should I side with Sokar or with this unknown Kel'tar?

That was an easy question. Sokar is powerful and he could give me much, whereas Kel'tar would no doubt soon be captured and on his way to everlasting pain on Netu.

I told my team to agree to Aris Boch's suggestion. For once, they obeyed immediately and I did not have to punish them. I have a whole _book _with their transgressions, and when I become a powerful System Lord they are _so_ going to regret their many failings!

It soon turned out my team had decided to betray Aris Boch. Do they not understand that they also betray _me_ when they do something like that? When I had _ordered_ them to cooperate!

The situation only became worse, because they then tried to commandeer the teltac, and ended up arming a bomb!

A _bomb_! How stupid can you be!

Fortunately, Aris Boch returned and disabled it, or I would have had to use my powers to stop it. That would have been embarrassing for my team, and it would also have earned them yet another mark in my little black book.

My team again set out to help Aris Boch, and by now he unsurprisingly did not trust them. He kept 'Carter' as a hostage, and would send her to Sokar if my team did not do as he wanted.

While I do not care what happens to 'Carter', I _do_ care a great deal about others interfering in my personal business. No one but _I_ may punish my servants! I am the only one who would be permitted to send her to Sokar - and presumably on to Netu.

It was obvious this bounty hunter was a blasphemer, and I should warn all other Goa'uld that he was not to be trusted!

I should probably mention this; Aris Boch belongs to a species who cannot be taken as hosts. I do not know why the Goa'uld have not exterminated them all! I will do so as soon as I get my army.

We captured Kel'tar, by the way. Of _course _we did, as _I _was with my Jaffa, 'O'Neill', and 'Daniel'. We first had to disarm the Tacunitagaminitarons Kel'tar had set up - and which were too much for Aris Boch to handle, of course. Hah! Weak fool!

That was when we got a surprise. The Goa'uld was no normal Goa'uld - he was a Tok'ra. Kel'tar was a cover, and he knew SG-1, of course. No doubt the Tok'ra have shared images of my team with all their operatives, which is more than a little disconcerting.

I _really_ hope that does not mean the Goa'uld System Lords think _I _am friends of the Tok'ra, because the Tok'ra certainly seem to believe my team members are their friends.

What a horrible thought! To everyone that reads this, I want to make it _very_ clear that I am _not_ friends of the Tok'ra, even if my Jaffa and my other team members seems to be.

Which is embarrassing in itself. Why is this _happening _to me? How do I deserve this?

My team talked to the Tok'ra and learned his name was really Korra. His _host_ was speaking! I guess that means it may be the host's name, because who knows about these perverts?

We did get some interesting information, though. If nothing else, the Tok'ra have very good intel. I will take as much of that as I can.

Korra also claimed he would rather die than give information about his fellow Tok'ra who are _spying_ on Sokar and other Goa'uld!

I should warn Sokar that there are spies at his court! How can he have been so clumsy as to allow that to happen?

Against my advice, my team insisted on helping the Tok'ra heretic - and they even offered to go in his stead, to be taken as prisoners to Sokar!

Do the fools not understand what happens to Sokar's prisoners? He is one of the most dangerous and ingenious Goa'uld! Do they _want_ to go to Netu?

My Jaffa offered his life and mine in trade for Korra's! What! What! What! This is insane! I will _never_ forgive my Jaffa! _Never_! He did not even listen to me at _all_!

I will get him for that! As it turned out, Aris Boch had been converted by the Tok'ra and the Tau'ri, and let us all go. _Including _the Tok'ra.

That was not something my Jaffa could have expected to happen, so I _will_ punish him for willfully risking my life! He will have _many_ cases of indigestion in the following weeks... no _months_!

Hah! _Revenge_! Sweet revenge!


	18. Chapter 18

18.

**3rd cycle, 242nd day, Anhur era. (Aug 13 1999) **

On our most recent mission I _again_ had to save the life of my Jaffa.

We had gone to yet another primitive world, this time subjects of Sokar's. Just like he prefers it, they thought him not to be their god, but their devil. Yes, he is somewhat unusual, but to each their own, I suppose.

Anyway, the locals thought the members of my team were possessed by demons. _Demons_! How stupid can you be? There are no such thing as demons! _Everyone _knows that!

It turned out Sokar regularly sent one of his underlings there to get hosts and slaves, and that there also was a local person loyal to Sokar, who kept order through fear. Such an arrangement is quite usual, of course, even though it is rarely a human that is used for such a position. It can be, I suppose, since the wretched creatures readily betrays their own for power and riches.

I found it interesting that Sokar had chosen an underling with an Unas as host. That is incredibly rare. I do feel sorry for the underling - I am sure he would prefer a human host, but an Unas certainly serves Sokar's cause. The locals were convinced the Unas was a demon!

*Laughs*

Well, so far so good. However, my team had done something stupid and interfered with the local law. Apparently the population had to pick five offerings each year, which would be collected by the 'demon'.

Host choices, of course.

In any case, the locals had picked a sick young woman as one of the needed five. If she had become a host she would have been cured immediately, and she would have enjoyed the great honour of being the vessel of a god!

My servants decided to interfere. _Stupidity_!

The local human leader then decided my Jaffa's Apophis mark was a mark of the devil! I am _deeply _offended!

The locals _dared_ insist on my Jaffa going through a trial to 'determine if he was a witch'. Idiots! Morons! The _insolence_!

One of the trials consisted of tying my Jaffa up and putting him under water! Do they not understand that he cannot breathe water? As a god, _I _can, of course, and I selflessly worked hard to extract enough oxygen from the water for both myself and my Jaffa. It worked, but only because he had listened to me - for _once _- and placed himself in a state of deep kel'no'reem.

It was only due to me that my Jaffa lived - but that is always the case, of course. Still, the people on this world shall be punished! They will feel the wrath of _this _angry god, as soon as I have my fully deserved armies.

Even after my Jaffa was saved and we were back on land, the local leader was _completely_ unreceptive to reason! The other villagers were suitably impressed and scared, of course!

They still decided to sacrifice myself and my entire team to Sokar - or 'Satan', as he chose to call himself there.

The Goa'uld with an Unas host came and took us with him. He did not even acknowledge me! Or introduce himself! I am deeply offended! The height of a lack of manners!

I knew Sokar would be furious if he was delivered a Jaffa when he wanted a human slave - and I was also somewhat uncertain as to how he would react to the fact that Teal'c is the shol'vah. What if he decided to punish him for his transgressions, despite _my_ presence? Sokar can be somewhat erratic.

So, I decided we should leave the place, and as quickly as possible. The others immediately agreed to the cunning plan I had planted in their minds (using my awesome powers) and we escaped. We even killed Sokar's underling, making it easier for me when I return to take this world as my own!

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 249th day, Anhur era. (Aug 20 1999) <strong>

On our most recent mission we learned that Apophis had a project to train warriors for infiltration and to better fight the Tau'ri. I must say that was very ingenious!

First my team did not know it was Apophis's training camp, and assumed it was one of their _own _teams they ran in to. Whom they could just not _recognize_? That does not sound right, does it?

Then my dense team thought it was soldiers belonging to the NID or some other Tau'ri group. A bit Tau'ri-centric in their views, are they not?

However, in all fairness, I shall admit I was somewhat... _befuddled _at first too.

Then we were shot with intars, and it all became clear. This was a Goa'uld training camp, and it belonged to Lord Apophis!

I must say I am surprised with his choice of using _humans_ as warriors. Humans are notoriously bad and weak warriors, who do not stand up to much damage. Nor do they heal well or fast. Of course, they _breed_ well, so you can always get more.

They will also work well for infiltrating the Tau'ri, and that is the main reason Apophis chose them in this case, of course.

Innovative _and _a genius! That is my illustrious father! It is _obvious _I have inherited that from him!

My Jaffa then said something _horribly_ derogatory! He claimed it is normal for Goa'uld to use humans as cannon fodder in battles - when they were facing _defeat_.

Defeat! How _dare_ he! Besides, it is _not_ common to use humans as warriors. Jaffa are obviously better, and so it makes sense to use them for battles. Humans, on the other hand, are good in other positions. I mean, they are good slaves, good hosts, good for pleasure of various kinds.

Yes! I look forward to getting my host!

Now, where was I... yes, Apophis's human warriors. They believed my team to be a challenge sent to test them, and I saw no reason to dissuade them. They obviously needed the extra training!

Fortunately, my team did not try to argue with me, as the insolent fools so often do. Apophis's warriors also immediately recognized the superiority of me and my Jaffa, so it was not difficult to get them to do what I wanted.

The warriors we tested were clearly not worthy of Apophis - or me. While they were suitably loyal and self-sacrificing, they were unfortunately also both stupid and unskilled.

At least they knew the Jaffa were their Masters, and that the Goa'uld are the masters of everyone!

After easily defeating these warriors, we brought one of them back as a prisoner. He stupidly thought he would be rewarded with meeting Apophis! How could he think so when he had obviously been shot and had lost?

The Final Challenge is _meant_ to be with real weapons just for this reason! So the weakest of the two groups will be killed, and the strong can go on to honour and life (for a while, at least) in their god's name!

Then something unexpected happened - well, knowing my team and their treasonous, unpredictable ways, I should not have been surprised. They told the warriors of Apophis that their god was dead! A god _cannot _die!

That did not stop my _accursed_ team members from telling the Apophis warrior just that - and also showing him the recording of Apophis's _fake_ death!

They even used the vocume to show this recording to the rest of the warriors on that world. And they _listened_! And _believed _the false message!

Insolent heretics, all of them! I shall return to take my vengeance on them!

As for my treasonous team members? They will _pay_ for this!

For now, my Jaffa will be getting indigestion for a couple of days!


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: It has come to my attention that I should probably explain that a "little black book" seems to have quite a different meaning in the US from what it has here. Here it alludes to a book that school teachers had in the old days, and used to make marks in when students did something bad. When they had a certain number they would be punished. It is now used to mean that you remember that someone wronged you, and that you will keep remembering it/keep a tally. It is that kind of 'little black book' that Junior is keeping.

* * *

><p>19.<p>

**3rd cycle, 266th day, Anhur era. (Sep 6 1999) **

We have just returned from a combined 'picnic' and 'barbecue'.

'Picnic' is apparently a word that means 'to bring food with you to some place outside and then sit there and eat it'. Well, why do they not just _say_ that, then! 'Barbecue' means to cook or grill food over fire, also outside. At least, that is what I have gathered from previous such occasions. It seems to be a way they like making their food, particularly 'O'Neill'.

Yes, as you may have guessed, this was _another_ one of their 'day's off'. Something called 'labour day', to celebrate the work the labourers do. Or something like that.

Now why would you need to do _that_? They work for their god, of course, and that should be reward enough in itself! The Tau'ri are so strange!

Well, they _would_ work for their god, if there was a Goa'uld ruling them. I am convinced many, if not all, the problems on the world of the Tau'ri stems from the fact that they have no Goa'uld to take care of them.

They caused Ra to leave their world, with their _unspeakable _insolence! I have no doubt that he only left because he felt they were more trouble than they were worth, but that was obviously a mistake. A mistake that the rest of us now have to suffer for.

At least the Tau'ri suffer as well, so that is _something_ I guess.

Soon I shall become their god, and all will be well! How happy they shall all be!

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 298th day, Anhur era. (Oct 8 1999) <strong>

I am _furious_!

There was just so much which were done wrong on our most recent mission! We went to a planet called P8X-873 by the Tau'ri - and Nadura by everyone else.

My team insisted on going there to rescue the Abydonians who had been taken there as slaves.

_Rescue _the Abydonians! _Why_ would you do that? The Goa'uld who took them _obviously_ had a good reason to do so! Besides, they are the _property_ of the Goa'uld - like all humans! Even the Asgard recognize that in the treaty between my people and them.

But did my team care about that? No, _of _course not! They never care about following the law!

The prisoners were well protected, of course, by numerous Jaffa. My team fought them and eventually succeeded in winning - but only because I decided to assist them, even if it was a difficult decision.

You see, it was Horus guards there. I have _no _problems killing them. They belong to the accursed Heru'ur (and his father Ra, before the Tau'ri caused his death). I _hate _the Horus guards!

The only reason I was unsure if they should be killed was that _Amaunet_ was there, apparently in control of them. Amaunet is my illustrious father's queen (though not _my_ queen mother, nor Klorel's, as far as I know).

I wonder if she had betrayed Apophis? _Why _would she be working with Heru'ur? Or was she fooling him? Had she, perhaps, lured away some of his Jaffa?

It was all unknown, and this made it _so_ much harder!

I _did_ learn that she had apparently hidden the harcesis she and Apophis had created.

That is something else I do not know how to react to. That they have created a harcesis, I mean. It is forbidden, and for good reason; to think that a mere human would have the knowledge of the gods... it is both _offensive_ and troubling, to say the least.

On the other hand, I suppose the being is not truly human since it must obviously have symbiote code of life? Is it even... my _brother_, I wonder?

Regardless, my unfortunate perhaps-brother is not a symbiote, he _cannot _take a host, will most likely have a lifespan only a little longer than a normal human, and so on. That means he is a lesser being. I should not need to worry he might become my rival.

What I do not understand is how the Horus guards could be so incompetent when they battled the Tau'ri! I mean, I realize my team had _me _on their side, so of course they would win, but the Jaffa were also not doing too well _before_ I helped my team.

So that must mean Heru'ur has incompetent warriors! That is a _most _useful piece of information! Maybe he has sent all his skilled warriors to fight Sokar?

If that is so, then his domain may be easier to conquer than I had expected! Since I _will_ have to fight Heru'ur at a later date, I suppose it is good that these Jaffa were killed now. That means there will be fewer for me to bother with later.

What is _not_ good is that my Jaffa shot Amaunet! Yes, he shot a god! How _dare_ he! Only gods may punish other gods!

Besides, if he truly wished to save Daniel from Amaunet's kara'kesh, then he could just have shot her with a zat'nik'tel, knocked her out, or even asked _me _to take care of it. He only shot her with a staff weapon out of spite or stupidity. There is _no _doubt about that!

They now claim Amaunet is dead! Apophis would _not_ like this! Even if she has betrayed him, then he alone had the right to punish her!

Of course, I no more believe Amaunet is dead than I believe Apophis is dead! They will rise again, and then the Tau'ri and my Jaffa will regret their errors!

I so very much look forward to that day!

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 302nd day, Anhur era. (Oct 12 1999) <strong>

My servant Daniel has spent some time being depressed and sulking, and thinking he will leave my team. All because his beloved Sha're is dead.

Well, I can reassure him that she is not! Of course not, since she is the host of a goddess! That means she cannot be dead unless Amaunet has taken another host, and I think she will not. Apophis likes her current one too much.

I am just waiting for their return! I am certain it will happen soon, greatly surprising everyone else, apparently.

Of course, even _if_ Daniel's wife should turn out to be dead, then he is apparently forgetting about his duty to _me_, if he thinks he can just retire from my team! I _own_ him, just like I own all my other servants!

I would not let him leave as long as I have a use for him!

Fortunately, he seems to have convinced himself he will continue his duty - even if he says it is because he wants to find the Harcesis as he promised Sha're. I am offended he will not openly admit it is because he cannot bear the thought of not serving me any longer!


	20. Chapter 20

20.

**3rd cycle, 312th day, Anhur era. (Oct 22 1999) **

A couple days ago the Tok'ra arrived on our base again. Why am I not surprised? They seem to have become really buddy-buddy with the Tau'ri. So disgusting!

Just as predictably, the Tau'ri allowed them access. Just like that. Friendly welcome and all!

So frustrating!

This time it was the smiling fool, Martouf. The one with the bad crush on my servant, Carter. He was less smiling this time, though. Seems he had failed in his promise to look after her father-Tok'ra.

Hah!

Carter's father-Tok'ra had been spying on Sokar! Bold, but stupid. Sokar had discovered his treason and punished him - and thrown him down on Netu.

_Netu_! Just hearing the name of that place brings shudders through any sane being! I am not sure I even want a _Tok'ra_ to experience such horror.

No, scratch that! I _totally_ want that! Particularly the one who _dares_ to pursue my servant!

She should dedicate her life to serving _me_, not waste even just _some_ of her time on being in a relationship with a heretic Goa'uld - or for that matter with one of the various humans from the world of the Tau'ri or elsewhere. No, I absolutely refuse!

Now, what was I talking about... yes, the Tok'ra Selmak had gotten herself trapped on Netu. *LOL*

Apparently the Tok'ra wanted to free this Selmak - or at least they wanted to get their hands on some information she had gathered about Sokar.

Now, I would _never_ risk my life for another Goa'uld, and certainly not for a Tok'ra! But I guess the Tok'ra are truly strange.

Important information, well, that _may_ be worth some risk.

I suppose the Tok'ra are right when they say it would not be good if Sokar ruled the Galaxy. He was once the Supreme System Lord, and while I do not have access to many of my genetic memories from back then - _yet _- I _do _have more than a feeling that it was _not _good for the rest of the inhabitants of the Galaxy. Including other Goa'uld.

So, I grudgingly agreed to Martouf's plan. But _only _after being assured I would not have to go down to Netu. That I _absolutely_ refuse! Only fools go there willingly!

Why did they need _my _team? Well, I had assumed it was because of me, of course, but apparently the Tok'ra Jolinar, which previously held my servant Carter as a host, is the only person known to have ever escaped from Netu.

Quite an impressive feat, I must say that! I wonder how she did it? Of course, if I set my mind to it I could figure it out! Easily.

On a side note, it is truly strange to call a Goa'uld by his host's name, but that seems to be the wish of this Lantash. He also leaves his host in control most of the time, so I suppose that may be why they are addressed as 'Martouf'.

I wonder if this Lantash is lazy or just sneaky? The Tau'ri did not react well to him last time he said something, so perhaps he is letting his host talk to avoid having to deal with the Tau'ri stupidity?

Understandable, but still weak. He should stand up to them!

Tok'ra are fools!

Regardless, me and my team followed the Tok'ra back to their world and to the teltac waiting for us there.

Since the Tok'ra are wimps who do not have a sarcophagus, the Tok'ra Martouf who was going with us, needed sleep. So do the humans, of course, so my Jaffa had to pilot the teltac. Meanwhile, the Tok'ra attempted to make my underling Carter remember more of Jolinar's memories.

I really hope it will turn out to be to my advantage, and not just turn her further towards the Tok'ra cause!

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 316th day, Anhur era. (Oct 26 1999) <strong>

My three human servants, and my Tok'ra sometimes-servant had left for Netu, using the escape pods to descend. I must admit I doubt they will return. I have pondered their decision, and it _is_ foolish, but it is also brave, and I can understand their wish to do this in order to bring me the information.

I _cannot _permit Sokar to achieve dominance of the Galaxy!

When my servants had been down on Netu for several hours, they contacted me and my Jaffa to give us the information. When we had received that, I knew the only sensible thing to do was to leave. _Immediately_. There were several deathgliders chasing us.

But did my Jaffa obey me? No, he did _not_! He insisted on remaining, to risk not only his _own _life, but _mine_! Is he crazy? Evil?

I spent hours pondering how to properly punish him, constantly worrying that we would be killed before I had a chance of taking my revenge.

Then my servants down on Netu contacted us again, saying they had found a way to escape, but that my Jaffa needed to place the teltac exactly in the path of the matter stream. You see, they would use a ring transporter they had found, in order to escape. Not a bad idea but it depended on my Jaffa knowing what he was doing, and frankly, I am not always sure that is the case!

He is _adequate_ in his flying skills, though, so perhaps it could work.

We never got a chance to test it, though, because my servants managed to get themselves captured again down there.

By Apophis!

Yes! I _knew_ he was not dead!

*Happy dance!*

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 318th day, Anhur era. (Oct 28 1999) <strong>

My Jaffa _finally_ made the sensible decision, now when my other servants were captured and he could see that he could do nothing more to free them.

Why would they even _matter_ anymore? They had served their purpose and had gotten me the information!

My Jaffa did not travel to the nearest planet with a chaapa'ai, though, nor did he travel to my base. No, he went directly to the Tok'ra!

Is he insane? I do _not _want to share this information with the accursed Tok'ra! What if they use it to their own advantage? To take over power from Sokar? They could be the strongest System Lords in the Galaxy!

Yes, I realize they _claim_ not to want that, but all Goa'uld want power. I cannot believe the Tok'ra are so depraved that they would turn down such a possibility!

Very much against my _explicit_ order, my Jaffa travelled back to the Tok'ra base we had set out from.

There we were met by a Tok'ra calling himself Aldwin, and two guards. Also Tok'ra.

Aldwin is _another _Tok'ra who allows his host to speak for him. Actually, it is the name of the host. I have no idea what the name even _is _of the symbiote!

This is insane! What makes people _behave _this way?

My Jaffa gave a full report to Aldwin, who then left to inform the Tok'ra Council.

Noooooo!


	21. Chapter 21

21.

**3rd cycle, 319th day, Anhur era. (Oct 29 1999)**

My Jaffa and I - and the Tok'ra Aldwin - travelled back to Netu! Such insanity! Why did Teal'c insist on us going with Aldwin? The Tok'ra even offered to take care of it without our assistance!

Aldwin brought a bomb, created by the Tok'ra, which will blow up Netu. It was their hope it would kill Sokar in the blast.

The journey back to Netu was slow, even if my Jaffa ran the engines at a much higher rate than they could safely do (because the incompetent Tok'ra had not repaired them correctly, I must assume). My Jaffa had done the same on the trip back from Netu, so it was pure luck our ship did not explode or get stranded somewhere incredibly hostile!

_Why _does my Jaffa hate me so? _Why _does he submit me to such danger?

Aldwin and the rest of the Tok'ra, at least, had the sense to want to just blow Sokar out of the sky, without giving him a chance to escape.

My _stupid_ Jaffa insisted on staying and allowing my Tau'ri servants and the Tok'ra trapped on Netu to attempt to get to the ring transporter and onto our teltac.

I mean, that was _insanely_ dangerous! Not to mention it was _highly_ unlikely they would manage to escape.

Nonetheless, It turned out they did, but it was certainly pure luck! My Jaffa admitted as much to the Tok'ra Aldwin! Not that he was angry at Teal'c! I wonder if he _likes_ risking his life for others?

Of course, we already have the example of the Tok'ra Martouf (Lantash) that went to Netu willingly to save another Tok'ra, though I assume (hope) he is intelligent enough that he did it mostly for the information about Sokar. But you never know, given their weirdness.

I am obviously beginning to wonder if the Tok'ra are defective in some manner, and not just perverted. _True_ Goa'uld would never risk their lives for others of their kind.

One more thing needs to be mentioned; my servants - including the Tok'ra servants - were exhausted, weak, and dirty. Yes, they smelled _exactly_ like I imagined it would on Netu. Disgusting. They should have been transported to a stasis chamber until they could be properly washed and scrubbed. The capacity of the onboard bathroom was much too low to enable effective and _fast_ cleaning. It took hours before all were clean, and the stench will probably hang in the air for the rest of the journey!

No one thinks of how much _I_ suffers from this!

Oh, and now there is a horribly long journey back, because my Jaffa ran the hyperdrive engines at a much too high velocity. To make things worse, my human and Tok'ra servants are _bonding_ after their 'horrible' shared experiences, with even O'Neill slapping Martouf on the shoulder and insisting he come to the next team night.

*Shudders.*

* * *

><p><strong>3rd cycle, 326th day, Anhur era. (Nov 5 1999)<strong>

Our most recent mission was another clear example of how not only my team and base, but the entire _world _of the Tau'ri would have been overrun by ugly aliens, had it not been for me!

We had been looking for the planet Kheb - which any Goa'uld knows the coordinates to. My team could just ask me, but perhaps they do not want to admit their ignorance?

Aside from that, in this case at least, 'any Goa'uld' would also include the Tok'ra. They would absolutely know the address, so why my servants do not just ask them if they feel it is too embarrassing to ask me, I do not know. Stupidity or stubbornness, I guess.

Regardless, they think my sort-of-brother (half-brother?) is on Kheb, and they are very much set on finding him. I fear it is not just because of Daniel's promise to Sha're and Amaunet that he would look after the child, but also because they want to use his genetic memory from Amaunet and Apophis.

_That _is an outrage if so! It is _not _for mere humans to know such Goa'uld secrets!

*Takes a deep breath.*

But that was not what I was going to talk about.

When we returned from our most recent mission, we were immediately attacked by beings that were masquerading as humans. In fact pretending to be a great many of my servants on the base.

Fortunately, I protected my Jaffa from the full effects of the vile fluid they injected us with, and Carter turned out to have some immunity as well, from the enhancements made to her body chemistry after hosting Jolinar.

Me, my Jaffa, and Carter fled, and my Jaffa and I then helped Carter escape through a secret passage so she could run for assistance.

Of course, I considered handling it all myself, but since I was unfamiliar with the alien attackers and their abilities, I decided to allow my servants to help. It is also beneficial to let your servants do some real work now and then and train their abilities, so they do not just slack off and expect me to do it all for them, every time!

While Carter was gone, my Jaffa managed to get himself captured, and we were interrogated. Later we were _tortured_! _I_ was tortured! This is child abuse! Who tortures a little child? Or uses him for medical experiments?

Those aliens are amoral, _evil_!

I decided there was nothing to be gained from keeping any of these accursed beings alive, despite the fact that they had some potentially interesting technology - even if it was primitive compared to Goa'uld technology, of course!

So I ordered my underlings to dispatch of the aliens, and to my satisfaction it did not last long before most of them were killed. Unfortunately, no doubt due to incompetence on behalf of the people at my base, some of the aliens escaped.

We must dearly hope they do not return again, and in greater numbers and with enhanced technology, because that would be most unfortunate. They are _greatly _bothersome!


	22. Chapter 22

22.

**4th cycle, 1st day, Anhur era. (Dec 14 1999)**

Happy birthday to me, the most awesome symbiote in the universe!

Of course, I am _again_ the only one who celebrates my birthday. I would have thought that after the events of the recent year, my servants would have realized just how important I am. Even if they did not, at least my Jaffa and my closest servants should have mentioned _something_, should they not?

It is my third birthday! I am a _big_ symbiote!

Where is the cake? Why no gifts? I think I would look good with a blue cape with gold embroidery! I _deserve_ such a gift!

*Grumbles.*

* * *

><p><strong>4th cycle, 5th day, Anhur era. (Dec 18 1999)<strong>

It was only a few days after my birthday, when an _interesting_ memory came to me. A little over 150 days ago, Cronus came to our base, together with Nirrti and Yu. Then it appeared Cronus had killed my Jaffa's father, and today I was able to access the memory of that event.

That _glorious_ event, and I say that even though I hate Cronus with a fury passion. Because this is something I will one day tease Teal'c with! I will tell him in detail about how his father suffered! Yes, this will be a fitting punishment for all the many times he has slighted me (on my birthdays, for instance), and outright ignored my commands!

Tonight I shall dream sweetly of that day when I will get my revenge!

* * *

><p><strong>4th cycle, 17th day, Anhur era. (Dec 31 1999)<strong>

I had spent most of the week or so napping, only waking up to take care of my Jaffa's needs (yes, I am very committed to my duty!) Why all this sleep, do you ask? Because it was Christmas again, and my Jaffa threw himself into the festivities with great glee and enthusiasm!

It was horrible! Not only was the base decorated in the same _deplorable _manner as it was last year, but the music and the smell of artificial cinnamon were no better this year.

Gah!

Why do I have to suffer through this? How did I deserve a Jaffa that lives among the Tau'ri? _No one_ has such a bad taste as these. No one!

Naturally, I assumed that the holiday celebrations were over around the end of the Tau'ri year. Well, we are talking end of the year according to the majority culture in the 'country' my base is located in - Tau'ri are weird in that they have not only many countries, but also a large number of different ways and styles to count the passage of time. At least that is what my servant Daniel says, and I assume he knows it. Of course, when I (soon) rule this world I will do away with such foolishness and everyone will follow _my_ vastly superior calendar!

I am sure they will thank me profusely!

But I got away from the original point, which was that I had been too quick to cheer. The holiday celebrations were not over yet, just because Christmas was over.

Oh, no. They were then going to celebrate the coming of the new year on their calendar!

At least that is not _directly _a celebration of a rival deity, but it _is_ the celebration of a rival calendar - one created _not _by their rightful god, me!

But I digress, they need time to change, I suppose. Yes, I _can_ be magnanimous!

*Sigh.*

Last year, my Jaffa did not stay on the world of the Tau'ri for this 'New Year's Eve' celebration. He instead left to visit his wife (ex-wife?) and child. Not so this year, but he did not share his reasoning with me, nor did he ask my preference on the matter.

So I had to suffer _yet_ another Tau'ri celebration! _Why _do they have so many?

*Deep sigh.*

The 'New Year celebration' was held in my servant Carter's house. She has a very big house for just one person. _Way _larger than someone of her status should be allowed to, and she does not even use it often. She is almost always on the base, just like Daniel. It is something my servant O'Neill always harasses them about, but I must admit I feel their commitment to me is commendable. They spend almost all their free time working - with their admittedly poor talent and skills - to find me new technologies, and people and planets to conquer.

But back to the celebration. It was, as usual, strange to attend such an event together with humans (and my Jaffa, of course). I have always believed that humans should only be at celebrations in the role of servants or performers, not participants, and I know that is the normal view.

*Sigh.*

However, all things considered, I suppose I shall have to tolerate this for now, though it _will_ earn them black marks in my book.

It was not just _humans_, though. My underling Carter had invited her father-Tok'ra Selmak, and that had apparently caused more of the accursed heretics to want to attend.

I mean, why do they _want_ to attend a celebration for _humans_? Do they not have any pride?

The Tok'ra are so strange!

Regardless, there ended up being as many as _four_ Tok'ra present! Selmak, Lantash (who leaves his host in control most of the time _and _lusts for Carter), Garshaw (the most hunted Goa'uld of all time, who refuses to be _called _a Goa'uld), and Aldwin (who had a scuffle with me and my Jaffa on the mission to Netu).

See what I had to endure?

Well, I do not doubt that you are aware that this was truly painful, especially since I had to watch several of the Tok'ra _help to serve food_ instead of behaving like normal Goa'uld and let the _humans_ serve them!

Gah!

So, I shall focus on the New Year celebration itself.

Food - just like for their 'Christmas celebration', they stuff themselves. It was mostly 'buffet-style' food, which apparently means whatever kind of food that can be cut up in small pieces and served on platters. The participants in this particular ritual then take a plate and place a little (or large) amount from most of the kinds of food on their plate. It ends up being a lot, and that is to put it mildly! Teal'c can _really_ balance a huge amount of food on his plate!

It is _disgusting_!

In addition, there were _several _kinds of fish and shrimp that I would have liked to try - and maybe the chicken drumsticks. And the sausages. But did anyone offer me any? No! Not even _once_! I am their god!

Since my Jaffa was wearing a shirt too thick to easily see through, I had naturally gnawed a hole as soon as we arrived, and so I could see all this food on the table. See all the delicious food which no one served _any_ of for me!

Eventually I took matters in my own hands - or rather jaws and fins. I gnawed a hole large enough that I could stick my head and upper body out, and my Jaffa did not even notice! The humans - and _Tok'ra_ - were drunk and did not pay any attention!

Drunk Tok'ra? How embarrassing! Do they _like_ behaving like human fools? _Amourous_ human fools!

*Shudders!*

Then, the next time my Jaffa went to stuff his plate and mouth some more, I stuck my head out and snagged some of the food. I got a nice piece of smoked salmon, and a good-sized sausage. It was _delicious_!

It was so easy! And no one noticed! Well, at least not until later, when they noticed the hole in the shirt - and some food stains from the salmon, I believe. Regardless, I believe this is the solution to my problem. I will no longer have to subsist only on 'nutrients' from my Jaffa - I can at least get some variety from other foodstuffs now!

But back to the New Year celebration. The room was decorated in garish colours, with streamers and something called 'balloons'. That is colourful, rubbery sacks filled with air. Yes, that sounds insane, and it is! That is what they consider 'decoration' here.

See what I have to put up with?

They also had a number of 'games', and dances - and loud horrible music. And lots and lots of alcohol.

It all concluded at midnight, when various people kissed each other and cheered each other - and drank even more alcohol. *Shakes head.*

I am trying to suppress the memory of all of it (I do not know what was worst, the image of Garshaw kissing O'Neill, or that of Martouf kissing Carter), but at least the food was good.


	23. Chapter 23

23.

**4th cycle, 36th day, Anhur era. (Jan 19 2000) **

We had just returned to the base after some 'needed' relaxation (hah! humans _always_ seem to need to relax! Such weak fools!) when the chaapa'ai activated and a small feline lifeform walked through. It was apparently the one my underling Carter had gifted to the Tollan Narim, when they were stranded here almost 2 years ago.

They should have focused more on the fact that those who sent the cat, obviously had the technology to walk through the Tau'ri iris - and walls. Yes, it was the _Tollan_, and that is a technology is one I want! I want _all_ their technologies!

Then Narim came waltzing through after the animal, and the Tau'ri greeted him reasonably friendly - particularly my underling Carter, who apparently has some lingering fondness for him. Though no where near as much as he -he was clearly badly smitten still.

I cannot permit anyone to pursue her! She is _my _servant and _must_ focus on me, exclusively!

Fortunately, this accursed Tollan had other business. Apparently my team was needed for a trial (which they called 'Triad'). Someone named Skaa'ra needed us, and I fear that is the name Klorel's host had before he took over the body. I say had, because nothing of the host remains, of course - unless you are a weak symbiote like the Tok'ra, and seem to _like _keeping them around.

*Shudders.*

So, I was naturally suspicious of this request for assistance, since there could no longer be someone named Skaa'ra. At least not the Skaa'ra my team members had known. I thought, perhaps the Tollan had misunderstood something and it was a completely different person they were talking about?

Regardless, I decided to allow my team to accompany Narim back to Tollana, the new Tollan homeworld. Why, do you say? Because of the possibility of gaining access to their technology, of course!

That means we went to Tollana. I can now report that the Tollan have constructed a chaapa'ai, perhaps with some help from the _Nox_!

Yes, the Nox are fairly advanced of course, and if they start cooperating with other races in the Galaxy, we may need to keep an eye on them, despite their stated pacifism.

Pacifism! It is _despicable_! They defend themselves with trickery! I cannot help but think it is in order to hide that they are less powerful than they want us to believe!

But to get back to the Tollan and this 'Triad' as they called it. My good-for-nothing brother Klorel had fled an overwhelming force (hah!) and crashed his ship on Tollana. I learned that he is still weak and his host had assumed control (proving that he was not yet mature enough to take a host - why did my illustrious father insist on giving him a host before he was ready?) and asked the Tollan for a trial for possession of the body.

Insolence! How _dare_ a host claim ownership of the body that now belongs to a god? Zipacna - still loyal to my house - argued as best he could, and I believe he and Klorel should have won.

Unfortunately, my Jaffa and Carter spied on Zipacna's Jaffa - against not just my _explicit _orders, but those of the Tollan and of O'Neill as well!

_Traitors_! Did they not understand that Zipacna and Klorel were going to use this _excellent _opportunity to conquer the Tollan, rid the Galaxy of those pests, and take their technology for my house?

_Idiots_! I have _never _experienced anyone behaving so stupidly before!

My team destroyed the plan completely!

I do not believe I shall _ever _forgive them!

At least Klorel is no longer a threat. The despicable Tok'ra removed him from his host and put him in a tank! It is a horrible thought, to be removed from your host, and were he not my rival, I would have stopped it.

As it is, I shall give all my team members black marks in my book, and my Jaffa will have to suffer some _most _unpleasant indigestion.

I am really _much _too kind and forgiving!

* * *

><p><strong>4th cycle, 45th day, Anhur era. (Jan 28 2000) <strong>

This was one of those missions where it differed wildly what my team experienced and what I experienced.

As usual, the reason was my superior intellect, skill, and powers.

We went to a planet that the MALP had indicated was a tropical planet.

I should explain - this is a sort of probe they send first to see if there is anything that seems dangerous to the poor little humans. They are such jittery, fearful creatures.

So, the MALP indicated it was a tropical planet, with a beach near a sea.

*Shudders.* I believe I have mentioned my issue with seawater before. It is horribly unpleasant to get on your skin, and it can take hours, if not days, before the irritation is gone.

However, thankfully it turned out that the planet did not look like that at all. At least not the part we went to. We arrived in a laboratory, and met a local scientist. He did something to my teammates, but for some reason not to me (because I am too cool and dangerous an adversary, probably), and they forgot everything that happened there.

Just like that!

This means that when we came back, and Hammond inquired where we had been for all of 15 hours, my teammates thought they had only just left!

_Hilarious_!

Unfortunately, no one asked _me_ what had happened! As usual. I decided that I would not volunteer any information until they asked! They have to learn it sometime!

If nothing else, I was treated to some laughably stupid things. You see, my team had been implanted with a small artificial lifeform, which was talking to them and affecting their behaviour. Fairly innocuous, but also troublesome and clearly annoying.

For instance, my Jaffa took a liking to very hot coffee, and drank a whole pot of it! Just like that, in one gulp!

I considered leaving him to suffer a sore throat for a while, but since I am such a kind symbiote, I fixed him up nicely. I suppose it is not his fault he was implanted with an artificial lifeform, but I do consider it a sign of weakness that he succumbed so quickly.

Then my team, including my Jaffa, ate enormous amounts of cakes and desserts. Now, I have regularly commented on how much they eat, particularly my Jaffa. He can stuff himself like the best of them, even normally. Now, however... *shakes head.* I am quite sure he would become fat, where it not for me, and even I would have a hard time if he had kept eating that much dessert!

It was insane! Well, that was the only description in general for their behaviour!

Finally, they agreed to go back and talk to the alien who had done this to them, but where they angry over what they had experienced? Oh, no! They felt that 'poor Urgo' (the artificial lifeform called itself that) deserved a life, and to see the Galaxy. Not only that - they managed to convince the more advanced alien who had done this to them, to allow this Urgo to possess him.

Insanity! But I suppose that describes humans in general. And Jaffa, apparently. It is obvious why _they_ are not gods!


	24. Chapter 24

24.

**4th cycle, 52nd day, Anhur era. (Feb 4 2000) **

A few days ago, one of my team members was lost on an alien world, called Edora. My missing servant is the one called O'Neill, who thinks himself the leader of my team. Leader, hah!

The planet Edora is rich in naquadah, so it is a planet well worth claiming. Unfortunately, there are cyclically occurring meteor storms, damaging everything on the planet and killing the workers. When I get control of the world, I will probably put up one of those handy shields that protects against things like this. Of course, the humans do not have them, and my Jaffa does not know about them either - knowledge of Goa'uld magic is, after all, forbidden.

I guess they should have asked their Tok'ra buddies! Or me!

Anyway, while Carter was prospecting for naquadah and O'Neill was following his interest for a local woman (even after I had _explicitly_ made it clear to all my team members that they cannot 'date' anyone. Ever. They _must_ keep their focus on me!) the meteor storm started.

Most of my team fled wisely, and many of the Edorans followed. However, some of them stupidly hid elsewhere, inside some mountain tunnels, I believe. O'Neill decided to stay and look for them. Probably because one of them was the offspring of the female he seems smitten by.

_Disgusting_.

He got his due punishment, though. Carter believes the chaapa'ai was hit by meteors and that a layer of naquadah melted and formed a shield, much like the iris the Tau'ri use.

So there is now no way to connect to Edora, and we cannot learn what happened to O'Neill until someone can send a ship.

Of course, since the Tau'ri _have _no ships (primitives!), they have to wait for one of their pathetic allies to send one!

Meanwhile, I believe we should just get on with our lives! Assign me another servant already, and then - if and when - O'Neill returns, I shall consider if I will graciously allow him reentry into my service!

* * *

><p><strong>4th cycle, 150th day, Anhur era. (Apr 12 2000) <strong>

Very much against my advice (but when has anyone cared about that), my team was allowed to spend a large amount of their time on trying to find a way to rescue O'Neill. _Why_ were they allowed to do this? Such a waste! Particularly since a ship would be there to check on him later this year. Surely he could wait a little time? Maybe he would even learn something - like how to be grateful to be my servant! I am sure he would miss me quickly!

But were they willing to give him this opportunity for personal growth? No.

Idiocy!

Carter _did _create a particle beam generator, somewhat like the one Sokar used against our protective iris. I can probably find a use for it, so that was not completely wasted effort.

They think they can use it to heat up the shield across the chaapa'ai and then blast it with another opening wormhole. I suppose that might be possible.

Still, the time and energy gone into this could have been used much better on finding more planets, slaves, and resources for me, their god.

It took Carter three months to create this particle beam generator, and Hammond just let her waste that time! She only went on a few missions during that time, and some of those were with the _Tok'ra_, of all people!

She is my servant! Should I not decide what she does?

And Daniel? What did he do? As far as I can tell, all he did during this time was to whine about O'Neill being lost, and how they needed to rescue him. Except for the times when he was convinced my servant O'Neill was dead and it was all hopeless.

This is definitely a side of Daniel that I need to erase. He should stop being such a 'doom-sayer'! It is bad for morale!

My Jaffa was not much better! While he did not whine, he _did _volunteer for an insanely dangerous mission, in order to see if they could contact and rescue O'Neill.

Mind you, at a time when it was only a few months before a ship would be there to check!

That did not stop 'heroic' (stupid) Teal'c! Oh, no! He (and I - he volunteered _me _without asking!) went through the chaapa'ai after it had created a small opening. We had only oxygen for some hours, during which we needed to dig our way out, and if anyone should dial in during this time we would be killed.

Yes, that is how insane an idea it was! Had my Jaffa not succeeded in digging a path to the surface, we would have perished! So I helped him, boosting his strength greatly, and with that help it was possible.

We even found O'Neill, but was he grateful? Oh, no. He would rather stay with the local woman he had taken such a liking to!

Ungrateful cur! Also, he broke the absolute rule I have against any sort of relationships involving my servants!

* * *

><p><strong>4th cycle, 158th day, Anhur era. (Apr 20 2000) <strong>

It has been about a week since my servant O'Neill returned from his extended stay on Edora, and I have felt he has behaved strangely. At first I wondered if he was missing the female he wooed there?

Well, that might have been part of it, but then he would just have to pull himself together if he wants to continue to be on my team! I only accept the best, and if that is not him, I will find someone else.

However, love was not the (only) reason. I will explain.

As you probably remember, some months ago me and my team went to Tollana in order to participate in a trial. Much against my advice, my team rescued the Tollan from Zipacna, thus cheating me out of all the technology of that world!

_Insolence_!

Now we were invited back, and thanked, but it did not seem like we would be getting anything useful. Not even _one_ little ion cannon would they allow us to have!

O'Neill got angry, and we left!

Yes! He told them that we would not accept it! Stood up to them for me! And then he stole some Tollan technology!

I am so proud that he has _finally_ started to come around! True, it was not the most useful gadget he took, but it is a start!

* * *

><p><strong>4th cycle, 168th day, Anhur era. (Apr 30 2000) <strong>

I... do not know what to say. I had thought my servant O'Neill had finally had enough of the insolence from the Tollan, and that he had taken some of their technology because he acknowledged_ I_ deserved to have it.

That turned out _not_ to be the case. Instead he seems to have allied himself with the rogue section of the NID, which has troubled us earlier. I must say I had not expected that, mostly considering how much O'Neill hates Maybourne who is definitely one of them.

It seems he has decided he does not mind who he works with, as long as he gets what he wants. I can understand _that_, and I am in fact impressed. Still, it _is _insolence, since he is going against the word of his god, me, Anhur!

I am considering whether or not to punish him. For now I have decided to wait a little while, mostly because there _is_ the chance that O'Neill is really doing this as a trick, to get some technology into my hands which his leaders will otherwise not permit. If that is the case, I should not stop him.

There is also another reason to wait; my other teammates are _hilarious_ to watch! They are sulking big time and are clearly feeling betrayed by O'Neill, who has apparently told Daniel that he faked their friendship. Carter and my Jaffa are unhappy too, but not as badly as Daniel! Hah! Losers! What did they think? _Anyone _would sacrifice anyone else for power or whatever else they want. Anyone _intelligent_, that is, and apparently O'Neill is more intelligent than my other teammates.

I shall wait and see what the outcome of this is!

* * *

><p><strong>4th cycle, 170th day, Anhur era. (May 2 2000) <strong>

O'Neill's apparent treachery was all part of a plan between him and Hammond! The rogue NID people had been stealing technology from the Tollan, the Asgard, the Nox, and the Tok'ra, and some or all of those races had demanded that Stargate Command put a stop to it. Or else what? Who knows. Apparently we allow them to dictate what we do!

It is an abomination! I should put a stop to it!

But I was explaining. Well, O'Neill was tasked with finding the culprits, which he did. Some SG teams had been infiltrated by people loyal to the rogue NID, and they had a base off world.

There was some neat technology, but I hear it was all returned to the original owners.

*Shakes head.*

I am really unsure how to react, because on one side I am pleased that O'Neill had not dared betray _me_, but on the other side I am furious that he did not inform me! That _no one_ informed me!

I can understand that the rest of the team was not informed, because it is obvious they could not be trusted with something as important like this, but why not informing me?

_Why_? Such insolence! I do not know when or _if_ I can ever forgive it!

O'Neill is attempting to apologize and make it up to his teammates, but neither my Jaffa, Carter, nor Daniel seem to accept it readily.

He has not even _started_ groveling for me and _my_ forgiveness! It will be epic what he has to do!

Tonight he has promised to arrange a team night - movies, pizza, and beer at his place. I do not know if anyone is going, but I suppose the fools may do so. If my Jaffa decides - against my wishes - to go, then any pizza he eats shall give him indigestion!

I am _furious_! Such insolence! All of it!

The very _least_ they can do is let _me_ chose the movie! And it is _not _going to be Star Wars! Also, I _demand _they make it a barbecue instead of pizza - I want a steak!

Why is no one listening to me?

*Sulks.*

.

.

And that is the end for now. (Junior) Anhur will no doubt continue to write his diary, about his life and dreams for his glorious future, but this part is all he wanted to share with us now ;)

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Happy Holidays!


End file.
